Pregnant Woman’s MIL Makes Her Feel Like a “BAD MOTHER” for Wanting to Put Baby in Daycare And Not Let Her Watch Him. We Think She Shouldn’t Feel Pressured To Give Up

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Pregnancy is a significant phase in one’s life that involves many important decisions. From choosing the right healthcare provider, deciding on a birth plan, and preparing for the baby’s arrival, each decision carries its weight.

A newly pregnant woman thought she had it all figured out for her baby till she got into a confrontation with her mother-in-law. She asked the forum, “Am I wrong for telling my MIL that I would rather send my baby to daycare than have her watch them for free?”

BACKSTORY

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The original poster (OP) is newly pregnant. This is OP’s (25, F) first pregnancy, and it was not planned.

“My boyfriend (26/M) and I live together and have been together for four years, and even before I got pregnant, we were planning to get engaged next year,” explains OP.

OP AND HER MIL DON’T GET ALONG

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OP’s mother-in-law has never liked OP. She has been rude and cold to OP in nearly every interaction.

“She thinks my family is ‘white trash’ because I come from a lower-income family than my BF’s family. My family is good, hard-working, classy people. There is no reason for her to think that about us other than money,” explains OP.

They have never gotten along because OP’s MIL has always treated OP as less than her.

COVID-CAUSED FINANCIAL HARDSHIPS FOR OP

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COVID-19 was highly disruptive to OP and her family’s life. It caused a lot of financial hardship that delayed OP’s going to college.

“Right now, I go to school and work full time. I am over halfway done with my degree now, and when my baby arrives, I will have one year left,” says OP.

OP PLANS TO WORK THROUGH HER PREGNANCY

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OP’s boyfriend is a few years into a stable career where he makes good money. OP plans to continue working and going to school throughout my pregnancy.

“Classes end in April, and I am due in May, so if I have a healthy pregnancy, the timing should work out,” explains OP.

THE BABY WILL GO TO DAYCARE AT 7 MONTHS

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OP wants to take one semester off after the baby comes because she would rather not put the baby in daycare when he is still tiny. “I want to return to finish my degree in the spring semester next year when my baby is seven months old. I will put my baby in daycare at that point,” she explains.

OP’S BOYFRIEND IS SUPPORTIVE

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“My boyfriend has been wonderful to me since we found out and told me he will support me and the baby as I finish school and has said we can do whatever I want. His mom has not been so supportive,” says OP.

OP’S MIL CALLED OP

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OP’s MIL called OP twice to talk to her “as a mother.”

“She has told me that I will never go back to finish my degree because I will be too sad to leave my baby at daycare,” informs OP.

OP’s MIL also said that her son will have to care for OP and the baby financially for years.

SHE OFFERED TO LOOK AFTER THE BABY

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“She said that if I am sure that I want to keep the baby (which I am), she and my FIL will move to the city we live in so she can watch the baby during the day so her son doesn’t have to pay for daycare and I can return to school without taking a break,” says OP.

They are both comfortably retired.

OP’s MIL painted this like a huge sacrificial gesture. OP doesn’t want this at all.

“I want to spend some time with my baby after he’s born, and I don’t want this woman who has always been unkind to me to be so involved in our daily lives and have my baby all day. Of course, she can spend lots of time with her grandchild, but her being their daily caretaker makes me uncomfortable,” explains OP.

OP’S MIL WAS OFFENDED

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“I told her that my university has a daycare center that offers students pretty affordable childcare and that I was looking forward to taking a break from school after baby is born,” says OP.

Her MIL was annoyed and told OP she couldn’t believe OP would instead send her baby to a budget daycare rather than have their grandmother care for them. She said that she was sure OP was looking forward to riding off her boyfriend’s income for as long as possible and hung up on her.

WHAT DOES THE BOYFRIEND SAY?

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“My boyfriend said I shouldn’t have outright rejected her offer immediately. I should have said I would think about it,” says OP.

He also told OP that how his mother spoke to her and insinuated she was freeloading off him was unacceptable and that he’d tell her that.

“I feel awful about the whole interaction and situation. Am I wrong,” asks OP.

Here’s how the people on the forum responded.

OP’S MIL IS A NARCISSIST

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“I gave up my entire life back home to move here because my daughter-in-law can’t even support her child. And now she makes me watch the child for free. Of course, I love my grandbaby, but she’s freeloading and using me for free child care! – MIL.

I can see it now. The woman is a money-fueled narcissist.”

FAMILIES DON’T FREELOAD OFF EACH OTHER

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“Families don’t “freeload” off each other; they work together toward a shared future. Even that kind of language and thinking is offensive to OP and OP’s partner. Sounds like MIL only knows transactional relationships, but glad yours doesn’t have to be that way!”

MIL MAY CALL CPS

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“I also wouldn’t put it past MIL to call CPS or go for grandparent’s rights to get access to the baby. They can do this if the grandparents prove they had an established relationship with the child and the parents are harming the child.”

 

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