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Woman’s Husband Blames Her for Moving Away from His “Dying” Mother, But She Says She’s Doing It for Her Own Sanity. Who’s Right Here?

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Both partners need to be on the same page for a relationship to be successful. When a third person, especially an overbearing MIL, starts interfering in the relationship, it is bound to break. A woman in this problematic situation asked the forum, “My MIL is terminally ill, but I want to divorce. Am I wrong?”

Here’s her story.

THE BACKSTORY

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The original poster (28, F) has been married for less than a year. Her husband (29, M) promised OP (original poster) they would rent after marriage. However, a few weeks before the wedding, he said he felt guilty leaving his ill mum (who has had stage 3 cancer for the last two years), so they moved in with his family.

LIVING WITH IN-LAWS WAS HELL.

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Living with her in-laws was hell for OP. “My MIL, BIL, and FIL would walk into my room without knocking. My MIL would go through my things, including personal items such as bank statements, despite me telling her not to do so. She would make the excuse that I am messy, so she is doing me a favor by sorting my things,” says OP.

MIL CALLED OP SELFISH

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OP’s MIL, in particular, had an issue whenever OP and her husband spent time together outside the house. “She thought her son was putting wife before his dying mum,” says OP.

OP was called “selfish” for “forcing” her son to spend time away from her.

THEY HAD TO LIE TO SPEND TIME TOGETHER

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Things got so bad that OP had to beg her husband to spend time together.

“Once, we lied to his parents and said I had to post some letters, but we went for breakfast. Then, on our return to the house, hubby ate a full breakfast again so they wouldn’t suspect we had a date,” says OP.

OP TOOK A JOB IN ANOTHER CITY

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Since OP’s husband never really stood up to his family or defended OP, it eventually got too much for her. She applied for a job in her home city (3 hours away), as she wanted to escape her current life.

SHE TOLD HER HUSBAND

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OP eventually told her husband, and he went ballistic.

“He said I was evil and selfish. That women are meant to follow men’s careers, not the other way round,” says OP.

“This new job was supposed to start after my husband’s contract ended. So he would be free to move,” explained OP.

THEY MOVED TO ANOTHER CITY

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OP and her husband moved to other cities for her job. But her husband has been awful to her since the move.

OP’s MIL now says she’s terminal. OP’s husband blames her for him being apart from his “dying” mum.

“My MIL somehow has enough energy to call my grandparents and complain about me despite me cutting contact with her,” says OP.

OP WANTED TO BE CLOSER TO HER FRIENDS AND FAMILY

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OP admits she shouldn’t have forced her husband to move so far away. “I did it because I was so alone during my time at my in-laws that I wanted to be close to my family and friends. I don’t trust hubby to support me,” explains OP.

“So, am I wrong? Is my husband enmeshed, or is he behaving normally because his mum is ill,” asks OP.

Here are the responses of the people on the forum.

SHE IS NOT TERMINAL

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“You are not wrong. I’m guessing your wife is not terminal, and you shouldn’t have to lie about wanting to spend time with your wife.”

MIL’S CANCER IS IRRELEVANT

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“To be honest, it’s irrelevant. Even if your mum has cancer and it’s terminal, OP shouldn’t have to live with someone who is making her miserable, resents her, and won’t put her first.”

IT IS EMOTIONAL INCEST

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“That’s called emotional incest. MIL is replacing her absent husband with her son. She has to be the number one woman in his life. Your marriage will end unless he stands up to her and puts you first. Unless this happens quickly, get out and find a mature partner who puts you first.”

YOUR HUSBAND IS WRONG

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“I’ll admit that I’m extremely cynical. We all have our flaws. Because I’m cynical, I suspect MIL isn’t terminal. I suspect that she’s just controlling. You are not wrong, but your husband is.”

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