Sharing household duties is an excellent approach to keep the home clean and neat. It also aids in the reduction of stress and the enhancement of overall relationship pleasure. However, it might be difficult when one individual refuses to accept responsibility.
“Am I wrong for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly?” a spouse who believes his wife is avoiding duty questioned the forum.
This is what happened:
OP AND WIFE ARE NOT ON THE SAME PAGE WHEN IT COMES TO HOUSEHOLD CHORES
The original poster and his wife share household chores.The OP says he does a proper job without being reminded beforehand. On the other hand, his wife must be constantly reminded and begged to do her turn of chores, whether dishes or mopping.
“She whines and complains when I remind her to do it and will do half the job and rush through so she can get back to whatever else she is doing,” says OP.
WHAT HAPPENED TO OP’S COOL?
OP found a glob of residue on his plate for the third time in a week and lost it.
Says OP, “The first two times this week when she left dirty plates, I asked if she could be more thorough while cleaning the dishes because it’s gross to find residue on them. She rolled her eyes, said, “Yeah, yeah,” and blew me off.”
WHAT DID OP DO?
OP grabbed the plate, brought his wife to the sink, and demonstrated how to scrub the entire plate properly. OP’s wife just zoned off and stared into space.
THIS INFURIATED OP FURTHER
OP told his wife to stop being disrespectful and watch his demonstration because she clearly didn’t understand how to wash the dishes properly. “Or maybe now that I think about it, she is just pretending to be incompetent at it,” says OP.
HOW DID OP’S WIFE REACT?
“She started crying when I said this and told me to leave her alone, and she ran to the bathroom,” says OP.
“Now I feel bad for making her cry, but I am sick of her not doing a proper job. Am I wrong?” asks the OP.
Here are the top responses:
I CAN’T BLAME YOU FOR CRACKING
If you guys split the chores and she consistently has to be reminded to do them and then does a lousy job, I can’t blame you for cracking. And let’s face it, if the genders were reversed, all the ‘yes, you are wrong’ would be ‘you are not wrong.’
YOU WENT ABOUT IT THE WRONG WAY, BUT I UNDERSTAND YOUR FRUSTRATION
“I agree. If roles were reversed, everyone would scream, “Weaponized incompetence!” The way OP went about it was wrong, but I can understand the frustration. You are not wrong.”
THE AGGRESSION WAS WRONG
“The aggression was wrong. If my husband did this, I would be fuming and incredulous. However, his wife is obviously trying to get out of doing her share.”
OP’S WIFE NEEDS TO GROW UP
“OP’s wife is a slob, and this comment section would be different if OP were a woman. OP, half your cleaning time is spent going through the discomfort of it being a pigsty. If there is still no change, invite one of the people she cares to clean for over.
I detest cleaning, but I have to do it or pay for it to get done. Your wife needs to grow up.”
MAYBE SHE HAS ADHD
“Maybe she has ADHD? Maybe she’s waging a passive-aggressive war for more use of their dishwasher? But right now, it looks like she is doing a sloppy job.
It’s possible she doesn’t care, just like she may be hoping OP will take over. Weaponized incompetence can go both ways. You are not wrong.
I think you should ask her why, though. Figure out if it’s an “I just don’t notice” or an “I want to start running the dishwasher at night, so I don’t think it matters” situation.”
MAYBE SHE IS DEPRESSED
“Maybe it’s personal bias, but I get a depressed vibe from what he said about mustering up energy to do if someone comes over. It may be because that was me during my darkest period, but that’s what I think a possibility is.
OP AND HIS WIFE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS ISSUE
“I think OP and his partner need to seriously discuss whether they’re a good fit for each other.
If the chore issue isn’t a deal breaker, then the OP needs to let it go and accept that things won’t change. If it is a deal breaker, moving on to the next discussion is a way forward.”
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