Family dynamics often involve some manipulation, which can be harmless, such as a mother guilting her child into having dinner with the family occasionally. However, manipulative behavior can also be harmful, making the victim feel guilty and pressured.
A young man working in the hotel industry is upset that his mother does not support him in taking a new job opportunity. “Am I wrong for looking out for myself,” he asks the forum.
Here’s his story.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
The original poster (OP) works in the hotel industry as a manager. He makes 60K a year, more than he has ever made.
HE HAS GOT A WONDERFUL JOB OFFER
“I’ve been allowed to advance to a department head of a high-end hotel making 143k plus bonus,” informs OP.
THIS JOB INVOLVES MOVING TO CHICAGO
“The position would see me and my fiancé move from Austin to Chicago,” informs OP.
OP’S MOTHER IS NOT PLEASED ABOUT THE MOVE
“I called my mom to tell her the great news. This woman not only doesn’t support it, she’s mad at me for even thinking about it,” says an upset OP.
OP’s mother and father are relatively well-to-do, about average for boomers. But his mother told OP, “It’s not about the money; family is more important.”
OP IS IN A DILEMMA
“I agree family is important, but this is money that I honestly never thought I’d make,” says OP. He is upset with his mother.
“It feels like she wants to put my fiancé and me in financial hardship so that she’s happy,” says he.
“I’m just feeling defeated and unsupported by my parents and needed to get this off my chest. Am I wrong for looking out for myself,” he asks.
Here’s the verdict from the forum.
DON’T LET IT AFFECT YOU EMOTIONALLY
“My boomer parents have guilted me my entire life for nearly every choice I’ve made for myself.
Don’t let it affect you emotionally, or you’ll be filled with misplaced regret. Mine were so bad that I had a lot of trouble feeling confident in my decisions for a long time.
Do what’s best for you, OP!”
MY PARENTS SHAMED ME OUT OF EXCELLENT CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
“My parents shamed me out of many excellent career opportunities when deciding what to do as a kid because they “weren’t good enough for me.”
Meanwhile, they forced me to go to college for a degree that amounted to nothing but debt.
Now I work a dead-end job because I have so many mental health issues that I can’t hold down any other full-time job, but this super easy one I’m currently at, where I thankfully don’t have to deal with people.”
TAKE THE JOB
“I went from making 40k to 70k, and then to 160k take home. You must take the job; making that much money and living within your means is freeing.”
I WILL NOT USE GUILT TO DESTROY MY FAMILY’S HAPPINESS
“I’ve only ever heard how “important” family is from people who mistreat their family.
If my kids were leaving to become successful elsewhere, and I provide them encouragement and support, I’m demonstrating just how important my family is to me.
I’m not using a guilt trip to destroy their happiness.”
KEEP IT CIVIL
“OP, it sounds like you respect your Mama. If you want to keep it civil and not twist the knife, just let her know this is an opportunity you can’t pass up. You trust it’s the right decision and ask her to support you in the hard decision.”
DON’T LET YOUR MOTHER CONTROL YOU
“Sounds like she wants you poor so she can control you financially. Don’t let that happen. I had to fight to get financial independence from my mother. It was hell, and I’m so much better off now for having done so. She would still control my life if I hadn’t.”
MY MOM WAS CONTROLLING ME THROUGH GUILT
“Red flag! It took me a decade of therapy and 250 miles to realize my mom controlled me through guilt. You do you! And life is long. Austin will be there if you don’t like the job after a year or two.”
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Anika Jindal
Anika is a CPA and founder of What Anika Says. She shares simple and actionable frugal living, money management and money-saving tips to live a debt-free financially independent life. She has been featured on popular websites like Bankrate, Forbes, Mint ,and Authority Magazine. Byline: MSN