Financial disparities within families can breed resentment, jealousy, and guilt, especially in blended families where stepchildren may feel financially disadvantaged. A user on the forum asked, “Am I wrong for refusing to lend my sibling a significant amount of money?”
So here is the full story!
OP and her brother Matt are three years apart and don’t share the same dad. Matt’s dad left when he was ten months old, and OP’s dad came around when Matt was 18 months.
Her dad raised him and, eventually, wanted to adopt Matt, so he had to ask permission from Matt’s biological dad.
Matt’s dad refused on the belief that my dad wanted to change Matt’s last name.”
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
“Sadly, when we were teenagers, my dad passed away, and by having non-married parents and being an only child for the law, I inherited my dad’s house, a flat, and a piece of land,” OP mentioned.
Her dad himself was an only child, so when his mom passed away, OP inherited half of my grandparent’s assets.
Twenty-one months ago, OP’s grandpa also passed away, and OP inherited the rest of her grandparent’s assets which included another house, lands for agriculture, and money in a bank account.
WHAT DID OP DO WITH THE MONEY?
OP used that money to pay for her studies which helped her graduate this year.
She also used it to repair her childhood house so her mom could spend the rest of her life in a nice place. Her home was lovely, but she spent money remodeling and changing the inside features. I
She decided to study further and used this money to pay for another two years course. She also had to fix and repair the other house.
HOW DOES OP FEEL FOR HIS BROTHER MATT?
“My brother is a freelancer, so he struggles more often than I like. When he struggles, he does odd jobs that help him finish the month and pay for his needs, as his primary career is insufficient. I give money to my brother when he has a hard time and life is difficult for him.” added OP.
SO WHAT’S THE ISSUE?
Matt keeps asking for money from OP. He says he is in dire need of cash and has been unable to keep up with rent and other living expenses. OP said, “Because of this, he wants me to give him a third of what I have in my account because this money comes from my dad, and my dad raised him, so he is as legit as me.”
Also, in the past 21 months, Matt has been pestering OP to start investing in crypto, which she isn’t comfortable with. She opened an account so that he would stop bothering her.
DID OP TRY TO HELP MATT?
OP tried to create a business with him so that he could take off the business and build a steady income from it. The bank rejected their loan application, so the project failed.
OP doesn’t think giving her brother a third of what she has in her bank account is justified, but she is ready to help him here and there. Is her thinking correct?
Here are some responses she got!
HELP HIM WITH CRYPTO INVESTMENT”
“When he pressurized to invest in crypto, there was no doubt you were stupid. Help him out when he needs it, but the money is safer in your hands.”
“It’s safer in an open briefcase in the middle of a street in midtown Manhattan than with your brother.”
“Your brother has been manipulating you for money for a while now. Stop funding his life. He will only keep harassing you and become even more of a moocher! If your father wanted to leave him money, he would have had it in a will.”
TAKE ADVICE FROM FINANCIAL ADVISOR
“I think your brother is successfully siphoning money from you that he believes he is owed. If he is struggling so much, do these things, go to a financial advisor with him so you can see exactly where his money is going. Tell him to get a second job because you cannot finance him anymore. You have to draw the line somewhere. You can’t keep giving until you’re broke too.”
GIVE HIM ONLY FROM YOUR DADS ASSETS
“I will say—only your dad’s assets. You don’t need to be going back to your grandparents’ assets, etc. unless they also want to choose to adopt your brother. He has his own set of paternal grandparents.”
TEACH HIM HOW TO HANDLE MONEY
“I think you’re doing a good job, not giving your brother fish, but teaching him how to fish (loosely referenced on a famous saying/parable). If you give him money, he eats for a day. If you teach him how to handle money better, he will learn how to eat for the rest of his life.”
GIVE HIM MONTHLY PAYOUTS
“My suggestion would be to put a reasonable amount (at your discretion) into a fund for your (half)brother with monthly payouts. This should set your sibling up for a loan (guaranteed income) and help him out with his monthly cost of living.”
GIVE ONE PROPERTY TO HIM
“I don’t think giving him straight-up cash will benefit you. But if I understand the situation correctly, you had two properties; giving him one of them would be more than fair and allow him some breathing room on his finances until he locks down something more reliable.”
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