Women face discrimination in terms of education in many countries around the world. So, it would mean the world to such a woman if she got the opportunity to go to college without student debt. But what if the people you trust take this opportunity away from you? A young woman keen to go to college asked on an online forum, “Am I wrong for suing my parents for my college money?”
Here’s her whole story.
THE BACKSTORY
The original poster (OP) is a young woman keen to pursue a college education. She belongs to a culture where education for women is not really valued. However, the great-aunt of the OP, who lived in London with her father, was well-educated. She went on to attend university and became a doctor. She married a British man; they moved to America and had a great life.
This great-aunt funded the education of as many of her nieces and grandnieces as she could.
When she passed away, she left money for every girl relative she could. “My great-aunt set up savings accounts for all of her female relatives,” says OP.
THE PROBLEM
OP’s parents managed to access the accounts set up for OP and her sister to pay for their brother’s wedding. “My sister didn’t care because she got married two years out of high school and had no intention of going to college. When I graduated, I went to the bank to get money for school, and it was almost all gone. There was like $13,000 left,” explains OP.
WHAT DID OP DO?
OP asked her parents about the money, and they told her they needed it. When OP finally found where the money went (to fund her brother’s wedding), she got furious. “I got student loans and moved out. I am a great source of shame to them, and I don’t care,” she says. She is currently suing them for the money that was left to her.
WHAT DOES THE FAMILY THINK?
OP’s entire family is against her. They all think she is wrong for airing private family business in public. And that OP is putting money ahead of family. “My friends are all on my side, but they are all Americans and don’t get my culture. Neither do I, to be honest,” she says.
WHAT WAS THE BROTHER’S REACTION?
OP’s brother called and offered to pay for her university if she dropped the lawsuit. “I agreed as long as we had a legally binding contract,” says OP. The brother was furious and said OP was wrong for not trusting him. “I said he should not have accepted my money for his wedding,” explains OP.
This whole incident is causing all kinds of embarrassment in OP’s community.
Asks OP, “I am somewhat ashamed to be doing this, but I don’t want to have this debt I should not have. Am I wrong?”
Not wrong at all was the overwhelming response.
YOUR PARENTS STOLE YOUR MONEY
“Not wrong. Your parents didn’t borrow your money. They stole it. I hope you have all the documents to show that the money was yours. Your brother is also wrong for trying to get you to drop a lawsuit with what is most likely a lie. If you have a chance to start life without student debt, you do whatever you can to do that. Your parents and their culture sound completely toxic. I’m glad you got out.”
IT’S GRAND THEFT
“A wedding is just a party. If you can afford a big one, good for you. But it’s still just a party. Unconscionable that OP’s parents would take the money for that over funding an education. Even worse, they weaseled into an account that wasn’t theirs. It’s grand theft.”
WHAT A WORLD!
“I’m wondering if OP is South Asian because this is the vibe I’m getting. Marriage is the second greatest milestone one can achieve after being born. People often go above and beyond their means for their kids’ weddings because it’s a way to show off their wealth and their connections. Hence, elaborate events are often held for hundreds of people, most of whom the people being married do not know personally/have never met. Heck, I’ve been forced to go to the weddings of people I never knew I was related to in any way.
I can see people like that justifying paying for a few hours of a marriage party over an education. However, OP’s parents take it a step further by committing grand larceny, which is a new one even for me. What a world.”
OP, DON’T STOP!
“It’s good of the brother to offer to return the money. If he genuinely means it, then the contract shouldn’t be an issue for him. I agree the fact that he won’t sign implies he wants OP to stop “embarrassing” the family. OP, don’t stop. Your parents only thought about themselves, so you must also put yourself first. Not wrong.”
SUE THEM
“A wedding for their SON of all people! The aunt specifically left the money to the girls for this reason. So the daughters of her family won’t be overlooked.
Sue, sue, sue!
OP, I know the inner turmoil of standing up against your loved ones for your benefit, but it is necessary.”
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Anika Jindal
Anika is a CPA and founder of What Anika Says. She shares simple and actionable frugal living, money management and money-saving tips to live a debt-free financially independent life. She has been featured on popular websites like Bankrate, Forbes, Mint ,and Authority Magazine. Byline: MSN
What I have read here is difficult to comprehend and the scenarios seem more contrived than those on “Dear A–y”. The notion of an ex-husband who divorced the wife to run off with another woman, then subsequently impregnating the other woman, who then asks his ex-wife to be a day care for the infant that he and his new wife produced is asinine. “But I still have feelings for him”, the ex-wife says!
Yeah, right. SICK!