Is an adult child entitled to her parent’s savings? Do the parents have a right to reallocate their savings for another purpose? These are the questions on the mind of a 58-year-old father as he asks on an online forum, “Am I wrong for not giving my daughter the money that was reserved for my grandkids?”
Here’s the whole story.
THE BACKSTORY
The original poster (OP) is a 58-year-old father to a 30-year-old daughter. The OP and his wife (59) have only one child. They always wished they could have had more kids, but they had only one girl due to medical complications. “Because of that, we’ve always dreamed of being grandparents. So we made long-term investments that paid off. Now we have almost $350K saved to help raise our future grandkids and cover their college expenses,” says OP.
“I want to clarify that we never pressured our daughter to have children in any way. She knows that the money is there and what it’s intended for. I’ll explain why this is relevant later on,” adds OP.
THE ISSUE
The daughter recently made the decision not to have kids. She told her parents a few months ago and even had a tubal ligation soon after. “We were both a bit shocked and asked if she was sure, but we also reassured her that we’ll always be there for her,” says OP.
WHAT ARE THE OP’S VIEWS?
“I won’t lie; I’m disappointed, but not in our daughter. It’s her life, and it’s not our place to impose anything on her. My disappointment stems from the fact that I won’t have grandkids. However, if this makes her happy, I have no right to say anything about it, “says OP.
WHAT LED TO THE ARGUMENT?
Last week, OP and his wife had lunch at their house with their daughter, and she brought up the topic of the money they had saved for their future grandkids. “We simply told her that we would use it differently now. For example, I’ll be able to work fewer hours before retirement, and we plan to use the money for travel,” explains OP.
Their daughter’s expression changed at that moment, and she fell silent. When OP’s wife asked if she was okay, she exploded, accusing us of punishing her for not having kids and taking away the money she would have used if she had children. The situation became tense, and she stormed out after the argument.
THE OP IS UPSET
Now OP’s daughter is not speaking to the parents and has posted about it on social media. The parents have also received some unpleasant messages from our daughter’s friends, expressing their disapproval of our actions.
Says OP, “Let me be clear, we haven’t disowned her. She will still receive whatever money or properties we have when we pass away. However, we saved that money specifically to support our future grandkids, and now that we know we won’t have any, we decided to use it for our own purposes. Is that wrong?”
Here’s how the people on the forum responded.
YOU’RE NOT WRONG
“Taking away the money she would have used if she had children.
She wouldn’t have had it because it was never for her.
She will still receive whatever money or properties we have when we pass away.
She should be very grateful.
Now she’s not speaking to us and has posted about it on social media.
She may end up with nothing.”
SHE HAS ODD IDEAS ABOUT WHAT SHE IS OWED
“She clearly hangs out with these people who are so far out of line they aren’t even in the same state as the line. So, she has some very odd ideas about what she is “owed” by her parents.”
THE PARENTS CAN USE THEIR MONEY THE WAY THEY WANT
“The money isn’t going to be paying for college for kids. The parents can reallocate that money any way they want. Being able to ease into retirement isn’t an unreasonable use of the parent’s savings.”
IT’S THEIR HARD-EARNED MONEY
“It is a dream to save up something like that before hitting 60; it would make the later days much easier. The parents deserve it; it’s their hard-earned money which they chose to present to hypothetical grandkids.”
IT WAS NEVER HER MONEY
“She would never have had the money in hand; it was for her possible children’s college education. She lost nothing; she assumed incorrectly.”
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Anika Jindal
Anika is a CPA and founder of What Anika Says. She shares simple and actionable frugal living, money management and money-saving tips to live a debt-free financially independent life. She has been featured on popular websites like Bankrate, Forbes, Mint ,and Authority Magazine. Byline: MSN