Compromise is essential to building a sustainable relationship. Finding the middle ground between your and your partner’s choices and wishes is the key. A young woman got into an argument with her partner over what to do over a weekend. She asked on the forum, “Am I wrong for choosing to go to my friend’s wedding?”
Here’s the whole story.
THE BACKSTORY
The original poster’s (OP) partner is a big aviation fan, and the event is an air show. OP’s partner wants to go to this once-a-year show for his birthday. They went last year and the year before. Usually, it’s a big thing where many people go. This year it’ll just be him.
It happens every year Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. He needs to go on Saturday because one particular plane will be there.
Originally his parents were going to join, but they do crafts as a hobby and have a craft show that day, so they have said they’re not going. Then, it was supposed to be both of us going. “We hadn’t got tickets yet, just talked about how we’d go,” says OP.
THE PROBLEM
The OP was then asked to be a bridesmaid in one of my longest friend’s weddings on the same day as that show. OP’s partner hasn’t spent much time with them, but he is invited to the wedding.
OP said yes, very excited to be her bridesmaid without putting the dates together and how she technically had planned something else earlier even though they hadn’t bought the tickets yet.
“The air show is 3 hours west of us Friday, Saturday Sunday, and the wedding is 3 hours east of us on Saturday. I did mention going to the event Sunday instead so we could wedding on Saturday, but that wasn’t good enough,” explains OP.
HOW DID THE PARTNER REACT?
OP’s partner is mad because he has to go alone. “I’m angry because I make a ton of compromises for things important to him, but he doesn’t seem to reciprocate when something is important to me. Plus, he had the option to attend the wedding but has decided not to,” explains OP. (Ps event is not on his actual bday)
“So now we’re in a big argument, and I’d love some perspective. Am I wrong,” asks OP.
Here’s how people responded.
NOT WRONG
“You’re not wrong. This show happens every year; a wedding is a unique event.
Talk to your partner about it and figure it out. If his parents having an arts and crafts event is a good reason not to go, then a wedding is also a good reason not to go to the show?”
OP’S BOYFRIEND IS WRONG
“Agreed. OP is not wrong. Based solely on the info in this post, it sounds like BF might be. An old friend’s wedding takes precedence over a once-a-year show. Especially if a craft show takes precedence. OP deserves someone who is not a spoiled brat.”
IT’S WILD
“Not wrong, and it’s wild that he’s fine with his parents not attending because of an arts & crafts show and NOT A WEDDING.”
HE CAN GO ON SUNDAY
“Spending a birthday with your parents isn’t nearly as important as spending it with your partner, to be fair. I still think he should give in and go on Sunday, but I don’t think it’s wild that he accepts a lesser excuse from his parents.”
WHY DOES HE WANT AN AUDIENCE?
“Also don’t forget we have to go Saturday for a specific, special plane. So basically, he wants to ooh and ahh over a specific flying machine for 20 minutes and demands an audience to watch him do so.”
BOYFRIEND NEEDS TO FIND FRIENDS WITH SIMILAR INTERESTS
“Treating your partner to a nice dinner with cake is the usual way to celebrate a birthday, not expecting them to attend an annual multi-day event that they have no interest in and then getting upset when he doesn’t get his way. Even though OP mentioned, this is the only year she’ll be missing, no offense, but it sounds like OP’s partner needs to find friends who share a similar interest in aviation. OP is a saint for going every year. You can spend quality time with your partner but still spend time separately on individual interests/ hobbies.”
YOUR BIRTHDAY ISN’T THAT IMPORTANT
“When you’re an adult, your birthday isn’t all that important.”
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Anika Jindal
Anika is a CPA and founder of What Anika Says. She shares simple and actionable frugal living, money management and money-saving tips to live a debt-free financially independent life. She has been featured on popular websites like Bankrate, Forbes, Mint ,and Authority Magazine. Byline: MSN