It is not uncommon for parents to put stipulations on their wills for their children. The decision to do so is personal and can depend on various factors such as the children’s age, maturity, and financial responsibility. However, it is essential to carefully consider the potential impact of any stipulations on your children and their relationship with each other.
A mother who recently wrote her will asked the forum, “Am I wrong for putting stipulations on my will for my older son but not the younger one?”
Here’s the whole story.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
The original poster (OP) is a 57-year-old woman with two sons, Sam (28) and Alex (25).
OP’s husband, Dean, was more money-minded than OP and took care of all of their finances. He passed away last year and left everything to OP.
OP WAS DIAGNOSED WITH OVARIAN CANCER
OP was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer and thought sorting out all the finances was best. Her younger son Alex helped her set up a meeting with Dean’s lawyer, and she created a will.
WHAT WAS IN THE WILL?
OP chose to give the house to Alex and Sam 50-50. However, she added some stipulations for Sam.
WHY DID OP ADD STIPULATIONS FOR SAM?
Sam is not great at managing his money and has gambled in the past.
“I disagree with gambling, but Sam is an adult, and it is his money. However, I voiced my opinion about gambling more when Sam married and had children, as his decisions would affect his wife and children,” explains OP.
Sam’s marriage was rocky three years ago when Sam told his wife he had gambled away their rent, and she was about to leave him. They managed to pull through, and since then, Sam has joined Gamblers Anonymous.
WHAT STIPULATIONS DIS SHE ADD IN THE WILL?
OP wants her house to stay in her family, as it has for the past three generations. So, her lawyer told her about a life estate with remainder interest.
According to the will, the house will go straight to OP’s grandchildren after Sam. Sam can only live (not sell) and use the house. After he passes, it will go directly to his children.
Alex doesn’t have these restrictions, but technically, he wouldn’t be able to sell either, as he doesn’t have Sam’s permission. Alex’s portion is willed straight to him, though.
WHAT HAPPENED WHEN OP TOLD HER SONS ABOUT HER WILL?
OP hosted dinner, invited Sam and his family and Alex, and showed them her will.
“Sam got very upset when I explained my will and said I don’t trust him over something that was ages ago and said I favor Alex,” says OP.
He is not talking to OP now.
“I am not sure if I am in the right here, and I just want Sam to talk to me. Was I wrong,” asks OP.
Here’s the verdict of the people on the forum.
YOU DID THE RIGHT THING
“You are not wrong.
For similar moral reasons, my parents are bypassing one sibling and settling their inheritance portion on their kids (grandkids), access at 18 for college fees and full access at 25.
In the ensuing dust-up, my parents said, Look, it’s not about you anymore; it’s about your kids. And you should be okay with that. Since you’re not, it solidifies our reasoning to give it to them.”
OP HAS DONE ALMOST THE RIGHT THING
“He wouldn’t have the right to sell if Sam consents. Sam has no right to sell the house.
OP has done almost the right thing…
It makes sense to leave 50% of the house to the kids and include a clause instructing an executor to hold the asset in the trust until all the kids turn 18. Then, they can decide to sell at that point if they want.
That way, Dad doesn’t have to maintain the property until he’s dead, just until his children grow up with a roof over their heads.
They can all live in the house, and Dad can put all his rent money in the slot machines without worry. If no one wants to live there, they can’t rent it and divide the expenses/income.
A discretionary trust would be more straightforward, but the grandmum’s instructions wouldn’t be legally binding, and the kids could lose when the adult vultures come out to fight the trustee to the death.”
OP CAN DO WHAT SHE WANTS WITH HER ASSETS
“OP needs to do nothing.
They set up a spendthrift trust/estate for one brother because it’s an issue.
She could have gone 90/10 and said, “Deal with it because you are unstable,” until he changed his ways.
It’s her money and assets. She gets to do what she wants. Brother should take a look in the mirror.”
THIS SOUNDS LIKE A NIGHTMARE
“This sounds like a nightmare. How would they enforce it? Is the house going to hold all those people? Her obsession with the house staying in the family is fine, but that means giving it to one or the other. I would give the grandkids cash in trust and the house to the other son. Eventually, that house will need to be sold, though.”
OP NEEDS TO SEE ANOTHER LAWYER
Agreed. OP is not wrong for wanting to be sure Sam doesn’t gamble away what he inherits, but I think she needs to see another lawyer because this sounds like terrible estate planning.”
THIS WILL LEAD TO A PARTITION LAWSUIT
“You forget the multi-generational resentment that will happen when one of the grandkids eventually wants to sell, and the others don’t, and the ones who don’t can’t afford to buy out the share of the one who does. That leads to a partition lawsuit, and the only winners are the lawyers.”
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Chhavi
Chhavi Agarwal is a lawyer who quit her job to become a full-time work-from-home blogger. She shares tips and tricks on making money online, side hustles, freelancing, and blogging through her blog, Mrs. Daaku Studio. She has been featured on Forbes, Business Insider, Peru Tribune, Kentucky Today and More. Byline: MSN, AP Wire, Newsbreak