The wedding dress code said to dress to impress, so this young African woman decided to do just that and landed at the wedding in her traditional attire. Unfortunately, she ended up outshining the bride, which annoyed the bride’s mother.
The woman asked the forum, “Am I wrong for ‘outshining’ the bride?”
Here’s what happened.
The original poster (OP) is a 27-year-old black African woman.
“I’m living and working in Germany for a fixed period on secondment,” says OP.
OP WAS INVITED TO A WEDDING
While in Germany, OP became quite friendly with a colleague (60, F), and she invited OP to her daughter’s wedding.
“I was excited as I’ve never been to a white wedding. I asked if there was a dress code/color scheme to adhere to since it wasn’t specified on the invite. I was told the code is dress to impress,” says OP.
OP WORE HER TRADITIONAL ATTIRE
“Day of the wedding, I understand the assignment. I wear my traditional wear, which is beautiful and not German,” explains OP.
The garment was green, so there was no problem there. Or so OP thought. She got many questions and compliments at the wedding, which she genuinely downplayed because it was not her day.
THE BRIDE AND HER MOM ARE COLD TO OP
OP thought her colleague was colder than usual, but she paid no attention to it and thought she could be preoccupied since she’s the bride’s mother. The bride was rude to OP, but again, OP gave her grace. “I congratulated her and thanked her for including me and got nothing in response,” says OP.
OP LEFT BEFORE THE WEDDING ENDED
“I keep to the edges of the room as the music isn’t my vibe, and I’m just observing how European weddings work. I leave around 8 (after 5 hours) and go home before the wedding finished,” says OP.
PEOPLE WERE ACTING STRANGELY IN OP’S OFFICE
On Monday, when OP walked into the office, people whispered strangely and were more reserved than usual. An office friend pulled OP aside and filled her in. The bride’s mother was fuming.
“My outfit was too extravagant, over the top, and inappropriate. I drew attention from the bride and commandeered the room. I was rude and disrespectful. She’s told people all about it, apparently,” informs OP.
OP APPROACHED THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE
OP approached the bride’s mother and asked to speak, but she said she had nothing to say to OP.
“I ask her why she has things to say to everyone else about me but not to me, and she calls me an insolent child,” says OP.
OP EXPLAINED HER POINT OF VIEW
“I explain to anyone who scolds me that this was my first white people’s wedding: I specifically asked what to wear and followed the guidelines. Where I’m from, there’s no such thing as outshining the bride. Weddings are a fashion show and a chance to wear your best and brightest clothes,” explains OP.
OP ALSO FACED SOME RACIAL JIBE
“They told me this isn’t Africa (which was racially coded), and people here have manners. I laughed and told that person to go to hell, so she’s telling people I lack remorse for my behavior,” says OP.
“I’m wondering if I am wrong, though,” asks OP.
Here’s how people responded.
THE MOTHER IS AT FAULT
“The mother is at fault here. Not only for being a gossip and giving you bad advice but also for inviting you to her daughter’s wedding. The couple should be inviting people.”
HOLD YOUR HEAD UP, OP
OP, your dress was gorgeous; you followed the instructions. I would be honored to have you attend my wedding. Your friend is not your friend, so sorry! Hold your head up and let your beauty shine.”
You should consider a chat with HR if MOB is dragging too many work people into her concerns. This is an office, not a coffee shop. Also, you are not wrong. Some people are silly about weddings.”
“They said dress to impress, and you understood the assignment. They failed.”
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