Paying back the loans you have taken from friends and family is always the right thing to do. It is a sign of respect and responsibility. When a husband told his wife he had been saving to repay his ex for the money he took from her, they got into a messy fight.
The wife asked the forum, “Am I wrong for not wanting my husband to pay thousands of dollars back to his ex?”
Here’s the whole story.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
The original poster (OP) reunited with a high school ex (25, M) after she achieved her bachelor’s.
OP’S HUSBAND’S EX HELPED HIM DURING DIFFICULT TIMES
Before OP and her husband married, he lived with his girlfriend. He admitted to having a lot of money troubles, which she covered a lot for.
“The short story is his car broke down, and she helped pay for repairs along with picking up his share of the rent a few times,” explains OP.
OP AND HUSBAND WANT TO PURCHASE A HOUSE
“We rekindled pretty quickly and eloped a few months into our relationship. We now have a child who is in daycare while both of us work. Our apartment is super crammed, so I discussed purchasing a house,” says OP.
OP’s parents are helping with her school loans, so they must work out the house payment themselves.
HUSBAND TOLD OP ABOUT HIS PLAN TO REPAY HIS EX
OP and her husband discussed proper budgeting and other ways to save up when he admitted he was trying to save some money to repay his ex for the car repairs. That’s when things unraveled into a messy fight.
OP THINKS HER HUSBAND FEELS GUILTY
“In my opinion, my husband has felt guilty for moving on so quickly from this girl when we got back together and wants to repair the damages he caused,” says OP.
OP thinks it’s not really about the money. Her husband talks with a therapist about it, but no change. “I told him this, along with our child, our house is now the number one priority, not this girl,” says OP.
HUSBAND SAYS HE NEEDS TIME
OP’s husband left and hasn’t come back home. He says he needs some time.
OP’S MOM SIDED WITH HER
OP told her mom and friends what was happening to hear their thoughts.
“Mom sided with me, but my friends have suggested it’s the right thing for him to do,” says OP.
“The girl is fine, so I guess I don’t get the point of paying her back almost two years later,” says OP.
So, am I right?” asks OP.
Here’s what the people on the forum said.
YOU SOUND THOUGHTLESS AND SELFISH
“If he said he would pay her back, then he should pay her back. It doesn’t matter if the girl is fine; it’s gross that you think she doesn’t deserve to be paid back just because she’s an ex. You sound so thoughtless and selfish.”
IT’S ABOUT THE MONEY
“Yes, when it’s a debt of thousands, it’s about the money. The husband might need time to rethink this relationship now that he’s discovered OP’s value system doesn’t include paying off debts.”
YOU ARE DELUDED
“Sometimes I wonder just how deluded some people who post on here have to be. In what possible scenario is choosing not to pay a debt of thousands of dollars not a wrong move?
Yes, OP, you are wrong.”
HUSBAND IS FEELING GUILTY
“This is the husband feeling guilty because two years ago, his girlfriend loaned him a massive amount of money, and he repaid her by dumping her for a new girl who rushed him into marriage and a baby.”
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