It’s important to remember that everyone has their own lives and responsibilities. While grandparents often love spending time with their grandchildren, expecting their lives to revolve solely around them is unfair. Grandparents have their own interests, hobbies, and social circles that they should be free to enjoy. It’s about finding a balance that respects everyone’s needs and boundaries.
A son, upset at his mother for not taking time out for his kids during vacation, asked the forum, “Am I wrong for expecting my kids to be a priority for my visiting mother?”
Here’s what happened:
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
The original poster’s (OP) mother lives in Florida, and OP lives in NY. OP’s mother is originally from NY, but she and her husband of 8 years had moved away. They had been living out of state for the past 20 years.
OP SPENDS TIME WITH MOTHER DURING VACATION
“We get one good vacation every other year and always choose Disney. We always get a large vacation rental with room for my mother and stepfather. We make sure we have two full weekends since my mother doesn’t like to take time off from her job to visit us, and then we visit the parks during weekdays,” explains OP.
During their last vacation to Florida, OP didn’t see his mom because she had a medical emergency. But she visited last summer and spent time with OP’s kids (now 2, 7, and 18).
OP’S MOTHER IS IN NY AND HASN’T SEEN THE KIDS
OP’s mother is currently in town and hasn’t seen the kids since her visit last summer. She arrived on Saturday, popped in, and said she only had a few minutes.
“When we tried to plan some time together, she told us that she was busy all weekend and would not make any plans with anyone as too many people want to see her, and her mother-in-law (who is 87) is a priority, and she wants to spend as much time with her as possible,” explains OP.
OP TOOK THE KIDS TO THE ZOO ON SUNDAY
Sunday rolls around, and OP takes the kids to the zoo. When they got home, they got an emotional text from OP’s mother complaining that we didn’t invite her to the zoo.
“She told us she was busy all day. Plus, she is physically unable to walk for any extended period of time due to a medical condition,” explains OP.
OP’S MOTHER TOOK HER GRANDDAUGHTER FOR DRIVING
While OP and the kids were gone, his mother picked up his eldest and took her driving for a little while since her road test was coming up.
“She is using our second car while they are in town, which is the vehicle in which my daughter will take her road test. She told me she had such a lovely time with my daughter that she planned on picking her up today for more driving,” says OP.
OP’S 7-YEAR-OLD ALSO WANTS TO MEET GRANDMA
While OP was telling his wife about his mother’s outing with their daughter, their 7-year-old overheard and asked when they would spend time with grandma. “I relayed his question to my mom, who replied that she was in town for another eight days, and assured him that she could spare a few minutes for him at some point,” says OP.
THIS IRRITATED OP
At this point, OP was pretty irritated. “We always plan our vacations so that we can spend time with her around despite her busy schedule, but she can’t be bothered to make any time for my kids when she’s here,” he asks.
OP texted his mother and wrote like – “I understand her wanting to spend some time with her mother-in-law, but her mother-in-law isn’t family, and my kids are. So, she must prioritize spending time with them.”
HOW DID OP’S MOTHER REACT?
“Her response was she has only been in town two days, and she is so upset that we’re attacking her that she is cutting her trip short and going back to Florida,” informs OP.
OP WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS MOTHER
OP told his wife that he would be done with his mother if she returned to Florida. “My two siblings have nothing to do with my mom, and honestly, this is just the last straw for me. My kids barely know her as it is, so I can’t imagine that they too will be affected by this,” says OP
This morning, they left OP’s car parked on the street and texted him that the keys were under the seat.
“Am I wrong for expecting my kids to be a priority for my visiting mother?” asks OP.
Here’s the verdict of the people on the forum:
YOU ARE WRONG
“Yes, you are wrong.
You go to Florida to see her and Disney.
She comes to NY to see you and everyone she left behind when she moved.
It’s not even the same thing. Of course, she has way more people to see there.
And her MIL IS her family, too. Maybe she’s not related by blood, but marriage does make it family, too.”
WHY DIDN’T YOU VISIT HER IN THE HOSPITAL?
“He doesn’t go to Florida to see her and Disney. He goes there for Disney. Why, if you were near a family member who had a medical emergency that lasted two weeks, wouldn’t you visit her in the hospital?”
YOU AND YOUR KIDS WERE NOT HER PRIORITY FOR THIS TRIP
“Her mother-in-law is her family.
It’s clear that her priority for this trip isn’t you or your kids, and it is okay not to want to accommodate her last minute. You are not a slave to her schedule.
But she was pretty clear with what her deal was with this visit, and it could’ve been easy enough to have said sorry, Mom, but we can make plans.”
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