You’re trying too hard to impress your boss, and it’s starting to affect your personal life. Here’s what you can do to fix it. A user asked on a forum, “Am I wrong for choosing to take my boss to a charity event over my fiancée?”
Here’s the whole story.
The original poster is a 25-year-old man who started working at his company about a year ago. He gets along really well with this 48-year-old boss. “My boss [48m] and I really hit it off. So much so that he frequently visits and sleeps on the couch in our basement,” says he.
THE OP IS ENGAGED
The OP is engaged and has been living with his fiancé (23-year-old) for several years now. They have also built a house together recently.
He says, “WE recently built a house together, so it has plenty of space, and she doesn’t mind him staying in the basement, but they don’t interact much.”
The OP purchased two tickets for a local charity event a few months ago. She assumed the second ticket was for her since he had taken his fiancée to the event last year. “I did not indicate I would take her this year, but she assumed the 2nd ticket was for her, ” says the OP.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
The OP and his boss were working late when he mentioned the charity event. The boss indicated that he was keen to go.
“Last evening, we had a difficult code deployment for which my boss and I were up quite late. After its success, we had a nightcap, and I mentioned the charity event this weekend, and he mentioned he had always wanted to go, so I invited him to go under my second ticket,” says the OP.
The boss was elated. And the OP thinks taking him along would be good for his career progression as charity is a cornerstone of the company they work for.
HOW DID THE FIANCEE REACT
“I told my fiancée this morning that my boss had never been to the event and was excited to go. She said we would all have a great time as last year was so much fun. I told her there were only two tickets, and she wasn’t going,” says the OP.
She was angry. “Tickets are sold out already, so I can’t just buy another. I told her that she needs to be considerate of my career progression and that I can always take her again next year.”
Asks the OP, “Am I wrong for choosing to take my boss to a charity event over my fiancée? Here’s how most people responded.
YOU SHOULD HAVE DISCUSSED THIS WITH YOUR FIANCEE
“Your whole relationship with your boss is weird. Why the hell is he sleeping on the couch in your basement? Are you sure you don’t have feelings for him? You should have at least discussed this with your gf.”
YOU’RE ACTING LIKE YOU’RE INTERESTED IN YOUR BOSS
“Do you have a romantic or sexual interest in your boss? Because you’re acting like you do.”
THIS WILL IMPACT YOUR RELATIONSHIP
“Uh. You might be unknowingly in love with your boss or him with you. Why is your 48-Year-old boss sleeping on your couch some nights?
Prioritizing your interesting relationship with your boss for the sake of your career may have negative impacts on your romantic relationship. You knew she thought the second ticket was for her. Also, being a buddy-buddy with your boss does not mean you’ll get career advancements. It means you have a friend who happens to be your boss.”
FIGURE OUT WHAT MEANS MORE TO YOU – JOB OR WIFE
“Putting aside the weirdness that is your boss, who is 23 years older than you sleeping on your couch in the basement.
Your fiancé was incredibly correct in assuming that the 2nd ticket was for her and is completely justified in her annoyance. I know my mrs would be a little annoyed if I kept inviting my boss over outside of work hours AND THEN decided to invite him to a charity event that she was obviously keen on.
It may be “good for career progression,” but it sounds like it’s damaging to your relationship. So figure out what means more to you. Your job or your future wife.”
YOU ARE CROSSING BOUNDARIES
“Your relationship with your boss is crossing boundaries. This poor girl needs to get out. Why have you built a house and asked her to marry you when you clearly don’t love, respect, or view her as a human being? Just be honest. You’re having, at the least, an emotional affair with your boss. Your boss frequently sleeping on your sofa is throwing up red flags.”
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