Cooking for a partner is a romantic gesture. However, like any other activity in a relationship, it is essential to maintain a balance and respect each other’s boundaries. A man put his foot down when his boyfriend’s roommates started to expect him to cook for them regularly.
He asked the forum, “Am I wrong for not cooking for my boyfriend’s friends?”
Here’s his story.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
The original poster (21, M) met his boyfriend, Aiden (24, M), in the parking lot at Planet Fitness.
“We started as gym bros and eventually began dating,” says OP.
AIDEN STAYED OVER AT OP’S APARTMENT OFTEN
Four months into their relationship, Aiden would come over to OP’s apartment and stay over on an irregular but somewhat consistent basis. “I always had a hot meal prepared for him, especially when he’s had a long day at work,” says OP.
AIDEN INVITED OP TO MEET HIS FRIENDS
Aiden invited OP to his home because he wanted him to meet his close friends, who are also his roommates – Ricky, Miguel, and Juan.
“The rest of the night went smoothly; I met his friends and the girls they had over. They all come from wealthy backgrounds, including Aiden,” says OP.
OP BEGAN VISITING AIDEN’S HOME REGULARLY
For the next two weeks, OP began visiting Aiden’s home and staying the night regularly. “And, of course, I was cooking for him,” says OP.
AIDEN’S FRIENDS WANTED OP TO COOK FOR THEM
One night, OP was cooking for Aiden, and then Ricky and Miguel asked OP if he had made enough for them. OP thought they were joking, so he playfully said, “Nah.”
OP quickly found out they weren’t joking when Ricky said, “Why not?” in a serious tone. OP responded, “I’m not in a relationship with any of you.”
Juan said, “Bro, that doesn’t mean anything; Aiden isn’t the only person who lives here.” Ricky told OP that if he was going to cook, he had to cook for everybody.
THE ISSUE CONTINUED
When Aiden arrived home and settled in, OP told him what happened. He told OP that he’ll handle it. So, the next time OP cooked for Aiden, he thought there wouldn’t be another issue. OP was wrong about that.
OP SAID HE WOULDN’T BE COOKING FOR EVERYBODY
When OP came from the kitchen with only one plate, his friends went nuts. Ricky immediately pounced and said, “So you’re still going to cook for one person?” OP snapped and said, “Bro, if you want someone to cook for you so bad, then why don’t the three of you get the females you invite to your home to cook for you.”
OP RELUCTANTLY AGREED
Some hours went by, and they somehow got Aiden to fold because he pleaded with OP that the next time OP cooked something, to make sure there was enough for his friends to get at least a little bit. “I reluctantly agreed, and the next two times I cooked, I made sure it was enough for his friends,” says OP.
THEY EXPECTED OP TO COOK FOR THEM ON DEMAND
They got comfortable with OP cooking for them; it was too comfortable for OP’s liking. OP was sitting in the living room one day, and Ricky was also present. Juan said, “I’m hungry; I haven’t eaten all day.” When OP looked up from my phone, they were all staring at him. Ricky said, “Aiden, bro, make us something to eat.”
AIDEN RESPONDED BY WALKING AWAY
“So, in response, I simply got up and left. I texted Aiden and told him from now on, we’re spending time at my place only,” says OP.
OP’S FRIENDS SIDED WITH AIDEN’S FRIENDS
“When I told my friends what happened, they sided with Aiden’s friends.” They said OP was a stranger in their home and cooked almost whenever he was there. So, not offering anything is disrespectful.
“So, am I wrong?” asks OP.
Here’s what the people on the forum said.
THESE MEN CAN COOK FOR THEMSELVES
“Why do any of them think you owe cooking for them?
As you said, you’re not in a relationship with them; you quite frankly don’t know these people; just because you’re going over there to visit your boyfriend doesn’t automatically mean you have to bow down and serve them. Also, if they’re hungry, can they not cook for themselves?”
THEY SEE YOU AS HIRED HELP
“Honestly, it seems like they see you as the hired help without the pay.”
YOU ARE NOT A SERVANT
“If they want you to cook, they should ask if you would cook for them- and clean up afterward. You are not a servant.”
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