Your child is your own responsibility and no one else’s. Dumping your child on family members when they are least expecting is unfair to them or your child. When a man found himself being forced to babysit his niece by his brother, he threatened to call the police. He asked on an online forum, “Am I wrong for threatening to call the police on my brother for trying to force me to babysit his daughter after I already told him multiple times beforehand that I don’t want to babysit her?”
Here’s his story.
THE BACKSTORY
The original poster (OP) is a 29-year-old man.
His brother (27M) has a 4-year-old daughter. His daughter’s mom passed away because of birth complications, and he’s been raising her mostly alone ever since.
“Recently, he asked me if I could babysit her for the night so he could go on a date, but I refused because I’m not experienced with kids and frankly, cause I simply don’t want to babysit,” says OP.
THE PROBLEM
OP’s brother kept insisting that he was too tight with money to pay for a babysitter, but OP kept refusing to do it. “However, one day at around 7 PM, I suddenly heard a girl knocking at my door, and there was my niece while my brother was nowhere to be found. I let her in my room and started calling him multiple times, but he wouldn’t pick up any of my calls. After half an hour, I ended up giving him a message that if he doesn’t come back in 15 minutes, then I’ll report him to the police for child abandonment,” explains OP.
HOW DID THE BROTHER REACT?
He returned after 20 minutes, but luckily, OP didn’t call the police. “He was absolutely furious with me and started berating me literally in front of his daughter, but I eventually made him leave my house with my niece. However, afterward, he kept giving me messages about how I failed as both a brother and an uncle, that I proved to my niece that I didn’t love her and see her as a burden, and that I couldn’t even allow him this night of fun when he hadn’t had fun since his daughter was born,” Says OP.
WHAT DID OP DO?
OP messaged him that the last thing is his problem, not OP’s.
So, he needed to figure it out on his own instead of pining on OP against his will. “However, this only got him to send even more venomous messages,” says OP.
WHAT DOES OP’S BF FEEL?
OP’s boyfriend thinks that he is acting mean to his brother and that they could’ve taken care of OP’s niece that night without creating a scene.
“Am I wrong for not having much sympathy for my brother’s situation and not wanting to babysit his daughter,” asks OP.
Not wrong was the verdict.
YOUR BROTHER IS OUT OF LINE
“Not wrong. Did he even know if you were home? What if you had been out on a walk (he saw a car out front, for example) or someone had taken you out? What if you had been drunk or otherwise inebriated?
You don’t need a reason not to want to watch someone else’s child, but your brother is out of line.
If he can’t afford a babysitter for an evening – he shouldn’t be dating. If money is THAT tight, he isn’t prioritizing the proper things – like his CHILD.
He abandoned his child to try and have sex with someone.”
THIS HAPPENED TO MY SISTER-IN-LAW
“This actually happened to my sister-in-law. They dropped the 4-year-old off at the end of the driveway and left, figuring the mom or one of the teen kids living at home would watch her- except they’d all gone to a wedding. The neighbors found the girl crying and wandering around the neighborhood and called the police. The parents had to jump through MAJOR hoops to get her back from CPS and had monthly follow-up inspections for the next year and a half.”
IT’S INEXCUSABLE
“It’s inexcusable to dump a child on someone’s doorstep; the fact that they didn’t even bother waiting to see if an adult had opened the door to the child makes it a million times worse.”
OP COULD HAVE BEEN DRUNK
“That’s the biggest issue for me…OP could have been drunk, high, doing who knows what, and he left his child there without checking that OP was safe to care for a child.”
OP DOESN’T NEED A REASON TO REFUSE
“I mean, OP doesn’t need to have any particular reason to refuse. It doesn’t sound like he and his brother are close, and while it would be nice to do the brother a favor, the child shouldn’t be left alone with someone who doesn’t want them there. I watch two of my siblings’ kids but not my brother’s, not because I hate him, but because we have no relationship.”
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Anika Jindal
Anika is a CPA and founder of What Anika Says. She shares simple and actionable frugal living, money management and money-saving tips to live a debt-free financially independent life. She has been featured on popular websites like Bankrate, Forbes, Mint ,and Authority Magazine. Byline: MSN
for the guy that left his daughter at brother’s doorstep. True he is responsible for his child and the brother doesn’t need reason not to want to watch her. HOWEVER, I disagree with some of the comments. It doesn’t hurt to help out his brother (or anyone else) occasionally. Not all the time of course. But my gosh, give your brother A BREAK. Sounds like things are not that easy for him and he is struggling JUST TO HAVE A NIGHT OUT. Will it really hurt you to help out your brother??? on occasion??? You will only gain from it and acquire a couple new friends.