We have an innate responsibility to help our elderly parents. This means ensuring they are safe, happy and cared for. But does this responsibility extend to your in-laws as well?
A user who had a disagreement with his wife about taking responsibility for his parents asked the forum, “Am I wrong for expecting my wife to support my elderly parents?”
Here’s the whole story.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
The original poster (OP) works as a teacher and makes around 40K. His wife has a high-paying job and earns significantly more than OP does. She works in the private sector and makes £300-400k after tax. The two split our finances equitably, with the wife paying 70% to OP’s 30%.
THE FAMILY BACKGROUND
OP’s wife’s parents immigrated to this country so she and her sisters could succeed. Now all sisters have very high-paying jobs – one working in tech and the other being a surgeon. Meanwhile, OP’s parents worked government jobs, and his sister lives on benefits, so they are a relatively low-income family.
OP’S WIFE HELPED OP’S SISTER
OP’s wife did help his younger sister when she became a single mother at a young age by offering her a secretary job at her office. Unfortunately, OP’s sister quit after a month because she found it too difficult. She was raising a baby alone.
Recently, OP’s wife’s parents retired. So, she and her sister give them around £2000 every month. “I find it ridiculous; they have pensions. Why do they need £6k,” asks OP. OP’s wife assured him this money did not come from their joint account.
However, when OP bought up that his parents were also retired and could use the help, his wife told him that he should if he could afford to send it from his salary.
WHAT WAS OP’S REACTION?
OP was shocked and angry. “My parents only had me to depend on while her sisters made a lot of money, so her parents would be fine either way,” he says.
WHAT DID OP’S WIFE SAY?
OP’s wife told him that her parents sacrificed a lot by moving to this country, so it is her responsibility. She also told OP that his parents should be his responsibility.
“She says I am wrong for asking her to support my parents when she has never pressured me for not contributing more to our household,” says OP.
THEY HAVE HAD OTHER ARGUMENTS
The two had a similar argument before about loaning OP’s sister some money to put a down payment on her house. “My wife said she would not use her money as she thinks my sister is unreliable and won’t pay her back,” explains OP.
The OP asks the forum, “I don’t understand how she can be so cheap because she earns so much more than me. Am I wrong for asking my wife to support my family?”
Here’s how people responded.
YOUR FAMILY IS NOT ENTITLED TO HER MONEY
“This gives off the vibe that he feels he and his family are entitled to her money. The way he justified his sister quitting a job given to her is nuts.”
HE IS LOOKING FOR SOCIAL CARE
“He is looking for social care, not medical care, which is not free. It is in exceptionally short supply and a huge contributing factor to why the NHS is on its knees.”
OP IS ACTING ENTITLED
“He is acting very ENTITLED. Shame on him for expecting his wife to shoulder nearly all responsibilities for child care, household, AND finances for HIS family. She would be better off without this guy.”
I WOULDN’T BE HANDING OUT MONEY EITHER.
“My husband left while I was pregnant with our second—I had two kids to raise. How am I supposed to do that without a job? I managed to go to work and take care of my boys.
It’s hard, but you do what you have to do to take care of your babies. His wife gave his sister a job, and the sister just quit? Yeah, I wouldn’t be handing out money either.”
OP IS EXPECTING ALL THE HELP FROM HIS WIFE.
“The thing is that he’s not contributing to them in any way either. It’s not like he’s saying, ‘I’m putting in x amount; can you put in y.’ He’s expecting all of it to come from her. Which is nuts.”
THE WHOLE POST REEKS OF ENTITLEMENT
“How is a secretary job at her SIL’s company a hard job?
The whole post reeks of entitlement because OP’s wife has the money and he doesn’t, so she should give a lot more money to him.”
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