We have an innate responsibility to help our elderly parents. This means ensuring they are safe, happy and cared for. But does this responsibility extend to your in-laws as well?
A user who had a disagreement with his wife about taking responsibility for his parents asked the forum, “Am I wrong for expecting my wife to support my elderly parents?”
Here’s the whole story.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
The original poster (OP) works as a teacher and makes around 40K. His wife has a high-paying job and earns significantly more than OP does. She works in the private sector and makes £300-400k after tax. The two split our finances equitably, with the wife paying 70% to OP’s 30%.
THE FAMILY BACKGROUND
OP’s wife’s parents immigrated to this country so she and her sisters could succeed. Now all sisters have very high-paying jobs – one working in tech and the other being a surgeon. Meanwhile, OP’s parents worked government jobs, and his sister lives on benefits, so they are a relatively low-income family.
OP’S WIFE HELPED OP’S SISTER
OP’s wife did help his younger sister when she became a single mother at a young age by offering her a secretary job at her office. Unfortunately, OP’s sister quit after a month because she found it too difficult. She was raising a baby alone.
THE ISSUE
Recently, OP’s wife’s parents retired. So, she and her sister give them around £2000 every month. “I find it ridiculous; they have pensions. Why do they need £6k,” asks OP. OP’s wife assured him this money did not come from their joint account.
However, when OP bought up that his parents were also retired and could use the help, his wife told him that he should if he could afford to send it from his salary.
WHAT WAS OP’S REACTION?
OP was shocked and angry. “My parents only had me to depend on while her sisters made a lot of money, so her parents would be fine either way,” he says.
WHAT DID OP’S WIFE SAY?
OP’s wife told him that her parents sacrificed a lot by moving to this country, so it is her responsibility. She also told OP that his parents should be his responsibility.
“She says I am wrong for asking her to support my parents when she has never pressured me for not contributing more to our household,” says OP.
THEY HAVE HAD OTHER ARGUMENTS
The two had a similar argument before about loaning OP’s sister some money to put a down payment on her house. “My wife said she would not use her money as she thinks my sister is unreliable and won’t pay her back,” explains OP.
The OP asks the forum, “I don’t understand how she can be so cheap because she earns so much more than me. Am I wrong for asking my wife to support my family?”
Here’s how people responded.
YOUR FAMILY IS NOT ENTITLED TO HER MONEY
“This gives off the vibe that he feels he and his family are entitled to her money. The way he justified his sister quitting a job given to her is nuts.”
HE IS LOOKING FOR SOCIAL CARE
“He is looking for social care, not medical care, which is not free. It is in exceptionally short supply and a huge contributing factor to why the NHS is on its knees.”
OP IS ACTING ENTITLED
“He is acting very ENTITLED. Shame on him for expecting his wife to shoulder nearly all responsibilities for child care, household, AND finances for HIS family. She would be better off without this guy.”
I WOULDN’T BE HANDING OUT MONEY EITHER.
“My husband left while I was pregnant with our second—I had two kids to raise. How am I supposed to do that without a job? I managed to go to work and take care of my boys.
It’s hard, but you do what you have to do to take care of your babies. His wife gave his sister a job, and the sister just quit? Yeah, I wouldn’t be handing out money either.”
OP IS EXPECTING ALL THE HELP FROM HIS WIFE.
“The thing is that he’s not contributing to them in any way either. It’s not like he’s saying, ‘I’m putting in x amount; can you put in y.’ He’s expecting all of it to come from her. Which is nuts.”
THE WHOLE POST REEKS OF ENTITLEMENT
“How is a secretary job at her SIL’s company a hard job?
The whole post reeks of entitlement because OP’s wife has the money and he doesn’t, so she should give a lot more money to him.”
Parents REFUSED To Give Daughter “Grandchildren Money” AFTER She Decided To Be Child-Free. Are They Punishing Her? We Don’t Think So!
Is an adult child entitled to her parent’s savings? Do the parents have a right to reallocate their savings for another purpose? Check this post out to know the questions on the mind of a 58-year-old father and is he wrong for not giving my daughter the money that was reserved for my grandkids?
Parents Stole From Daughter’s “COLLEGE FUND” To Pay For Son’s Wedding And Now The Daughter Is Suing Them. Is She Wrong?
Women face discrimination in terms of education in many countries around the world. So, it would mean the world to such a woman if she got the opportunity to go to college without student debt. But what if the people you trust take this opportunity away from you? Find out what happened!
To-be Bride Tells Her Future MIL That She Has No Say In Her Wedding Dress Choice. MIL Thinks She Is Kidding But We Think The Bride Is Correct.
Wedding dress shopping can be a fun affair. It can be a day you spend with the people you are closest to while celebrating this momentous occasion. Unfortunately, it can also turn into a problem if the people with you do not have your best interest in mind. Here’s what happened.
Husband Keeps Correcting Wife’s Grammar. Says, “She Is A 4th Grade Teacher and It’s Her Job To Know Better” – Is This Suffocating Behavior or Is He Right?
Are you a grammar nerd? If you often find yourself mentally correcting the spellings on a menu or fighting the urge to teach your friend the difference between ‘their’ & ‘there,’ you may belong to this group of grammar nerds. But should you correct people’s grammar if they haven’t asked for help? . Read more here!
Brother Decides To Drive and Pay For His Own Hotel On Vacation JUST To Avoid Babysitting Sister’s Children. Is This Right?
Vacations are a time to relax and have fun. So what do you do if your family expects you to help with babysitting while on a family vacation? Is the brother wrong for saying I’ll be driving myself and paying for my own room on the upcoming family vacation so I won’t have to be a babysitter? Read more here!
Anika Jindal
Anika is a CPA and founder of What Anika Says. She shares simple and actionable frugal living, money management and money-saving tips to live a debt-free financially independent life. She has been featured on popular websites like Bankrate, Forbes, Mint ,and Authority Magazine. Byline: MSN
70% – 30% how is that equitable when she makes 10 times his salary? Should be more like 90 – 10. She may not have an obligation to op’s parents, but she does to op. That 20% of his salary could go a long way towards helping his parents. That’s 8k. I don’t understand some of the comments. Doesn’t anyone else see he is being screwed by his wife?u
NO, he’s not being screwed by his wife. Although, I find it ODD that they have their finances separate. Wouldn’t you think that they would figure out what bills need to be paid and then split it that way? Then whatever is extra put towards a family fund to help BOTH sets of parents. It’s just a thought. Shouldn’t matter how much either is making.
I agree with the wife. And this is something most couples discuss before marriage or soon I after is how the bills will be managed. I don’t agree with splitting the bills because they each made the bills. I grew up where my parents but all the money on the table, paid the bills and divided what was left….after groceries of course. Maybe the wife should give the husband a stipend and if he wants to give it to his parents he would be free to do that. But to try to make her feel guilty for not contributing to his parents is wrong. His parents, his responsibility. Maybe he should look for a better paying job.
I find the number of married couples who have their incomes separate. My husband and I always had “our” income; never mine and yours. Are you really a family, or just roommates?