When a wife spends money without telling her husband, it can be a sign of financial infidelity. Financial infidelity is when one partner in a relationship hides or misrepresents their spending habits from the other partner. It can be a severe problem that can damage trust and lead to financial difficulties. The wife asks on a forum, “Is it right or wrong to spend money without telling her husband.”
Here is the full story!
The original poster (OP) is a 25-year-old woman and her 40-year-old husband, who have a joint bank account. They have three children, including a newborn. The woman runs a successful business she started five years ago, and she takes care of the baby while her husband helps with the older kids.
WHAT OP’S HUSBAND DECIDED
Three years ago, OP’s husband chose to stop working and stay home with them. Soon after, he suggested combining their bank accounts.
OP AGREED WITH HUSBAND DECISION
The OP also wants to contribute to the same account and mentioned that she earns a substantial income in the high five figures, which lets them live comfortably. While they’re not wealthy, they’re not facing financial difficulties either.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT
In the following year, the OP’s husband began creating weekly budgets and purchasing items he believed they required, such as equipment, tools, and more. He also manages their savings.
HERE THE PROBLEM ARISES
Whenever the OP spends money, it comes from the weekly budget, even if it’s just a small amount like $1. She has to inform her husband about every expense, no matter how small. This is stressful for her and makes buying things for their kids tough, as she can’t use money out of that budget. For instance, she spent $20 last week but forgot to tell him.
OP’S HUSBAND GOT UPSET
OP’s husband noticed and got upset. He was like, “This is unacceptable and asked OP why are you trying to destroy the family, etc.”
OP GETS IN TROUBLE
Around a year or a year, and a half ago, she got into trouble for spending money a few times without telling him. This added up to about $200, which seemed to be missing. She had to sell some of her belongings to make up for it.
OP’s husband carefully looked at the bank account but found no other unreported expenses from her. Still, he’s holding onto his intense feelings of being upset and justified. So she is asking “whether she is right or wrong?”
Here are some responses she got!
STOP LETTING HIM STEAMROLL YOU
“You’re a businesswoman and breadwinner in your mid-20s with children. If I can be blunt, it’s time to stop being a doormat. Tell him to point blank that you want discretionary spending autonomy, and it’s ridiculous that he’s counting your pennies. Also, tell him it’s not up for debate because you’re sick of it. Stop letting him steamroll you.
IT IS A DOMESTIC ABUSE
“What you are experiencing is called coercive control, and it is legally classified as Domestic abuse, and you can be prosecuted for it in many countries, including the UK, where I am from. It is more common than you think.”
TAKE A HOLIDAY IN HOTEL
“The age difference is huge, so he’ll leverage that against you, get out while you can, lawyer (any nanny) up, delete Facebook, and hit the gym/cocktail bar. And take a holiday somewhere in a hotel with a swim-up bar.”
NEED A GOOD DIVORCE LAWYER
“You need an excellent divorce lawyer. He’s not working, you bring home the bacon, but he tells you how to spend the money.”
HUSBAND IS FINANCIALLY ABUSING YOU
“You’re the sole breadwinner, and he’s making you sell your belongings to pay him back. He’s also a SAHD who doesn’t care for one of your kids.”
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