Feelings of jealousy and insecurity can ruin any relationship. If your boyfriend or girlfriend becomes too possessive, you should address the issue immediately.
A young woman kicked her boyfriend out of her apartment when he insulted her. She asked the forum, “Am I wrong for kicking my bf out of my apartment, invalidating his trauma, and requesting two years of rent from him?”
Here’s her story.
THE BACKSTORY
The original poster (OP) is a 22-year-old independent woman. Her parents passed away when she was 16, and her 19-year-old brother took her in.
OP’s brother got half their parent’s money. “I bought an apartment with the other half of the money left to me,” says OP.
OP HAS BEEN IN A STEADY RELATIONSHIP
“I’ve been with David (25, M) since I was 15, he was 18. He’s my brother’s best friend,” says OP.
DAVID HAS HAD A DIFFICULT LIFE
David has had a difficult life. His parents were drug addicts, and he had drug issues himself. He has turned it around for himself; he’s an engineer and makes good money.
He’s been living with OP since she got the apartment. “I don’t ask him to contribute financially except for groceries, which he complains about. He’s very cheap and has even bought expired food to save pennies,” explains OP.
OP USES HER MONEY PRUDENTLY
OP is currently in medical school and is using her inheritance to pay for it. “I refuse to use the money for anything else, so I have a part-time job as a barista for all my living and fun expenses,” says OP.
WHAT HAPPENED AT THE CAFÉ?
David stopped by the cafe one weekend and saw OP’s interaction with a regular customer. “He said it looked like we were flirting and that I even twirled my hair and pushed my boobs together in my low-cut top,” says OP.
David decided to revisit the café and told OP that she does her makeup “too sexy” and gives flirty looks to male customers.
“This is simply not the case. The dress code at my workplace is minimal makeup, pants, and a full-coverage top. We also wear a full coverage apron that covers any possible cleavage,” explains OP.
OP AND DAVID GOT INTO AN ARGUMENT
“I got angry at him and told him I’m just a woman and he needs to relax. I’m not going to put myself out there for extra dollars and that he’s a freeloader that uses people,” says OP.
David got upset and told OP it was triggering to hear that. “He said that I am well off enough to live comfortably until I become a doctor, but I’m ‘cosplaying a poor person’s life and pretending to struggle’ to make people feel bad for me since I’m so privileged,” says OP.
OP told David he her to crash at her place for free. David replied that he could start paying rent if it made OP feel better.
“I said, forget it and go move in with my brother like the couch surfer he is. I texted him after and told him I want the rent from the last two years,” says OP.
WHAT DOES OP’S BROTHER THINK?
David told OP’s brother about the situation. OP’s brother then said that OP accelerated the argument and wanted to insult and invalidate David.
However, OP disagrees. “He accused me of cheating, using my looks to get money, and pretending to struggle. I don’t get why my brother is on his side,” says she.
“Am I wrong for kicking my bf out of my apartment, invalidating his trauma, and requesting two years of rent from him,” asks OP.
Here’s how people responded.
GOOD RIDDANCE
“Good riddance to that selfish freeloader and miser. You’re making wise decisions. You’ve just learned a valuable lesson, and you deserve respect.
Don’t let his guilt trip you. He blamed you rather than admit he’s been using you. Go no contact for months or years to keep him distant. He sounds a bit vampirish.”
DO NOT ENABLE HIM
“Do not enable him. He massively disrespected and used you. The two of you now have an unhealthy pattern between you. He needs to learn healthier habits of respectful relationships.
You’re young; you have a bright future and learning ahead of you. You may get some input on how to be respected and how to make sure you’re not enabling. You could use someone wise to act like a trustworthy parental figure who’s not your bro.
As the others said, please don’t fall for them blaming you. Some professionals can help him, and he needs to help himself. He needs to get help from the qualified people. It’s NOT your responsibility, and you’re in no position to help him, especially as you’ve been inadvertently enabling him to use you unreasonably.”
THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
“Don’t let your brother or David guilt you about this. David disrespected you because he’s jealous that other men interact with you. That’s unacceptable and certainly doesn’t happen in a healthy relationship.”
YOUR BROTHER SHOULD TAKE CARE OF HIS FRIEND
“Your brother is wrong for thinking it was OK for his adult friend to date his underage sister and then proceed to live off her.
Your brother thinks it’s OK for his friend to be controlling of his little sister.
I wouldn’t put much stock into your brother’s opinion.
If your brother is concerned, he can care for his friend.”
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Anika Jindal
Anika is a CPA and founder of What Anika Says. She shares simple and actionable frugal living, money management and money-saving tips to live a debt-free financially independent life. She has been featured on popular websites like Bankrate, Forbes, Mint ,and Authority Magazine. Byline: MSN