Dividing your assets amongst your offspring can be tricky, especially if they have different mothers. A father who wants to do the right thing for all his kids asked on the forum, “Am I wrong for leaving an equal inheritance to kids from my wife and ex-wife? My wife is a SAHM.”
Here is the whole story.
THE BACKSTORY
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The original poster(OP) is a father to four children. “I’ve two boys with my ex-wife and a boy and a girl with my wife, in that order. The boys primarily live with their mom,” he explains. OP’s wife is a SAHM. She worked part-time for a while when the kids were about 6-7, then decided she didn’t want to go to work anymore. In essence, all the cash for the household comes from OP.
THE ISSUE
OP wants all his assets to be divided equally among all four of his children. “I feel a duty towards all of them equally,” he explains. However, OP’s wife feels their mutual kids should get more % because OP’s ex-wife has done quite nicely for herself, and the boys are set for life.
OP and his wife aren’t close to being poor, but not at the level of his ex-wife, who has always been really good with money. Neither OP nor his ex-wife pays child support to the other because although they live with her most of the time, she does make a lot more money.
“I have always felt guilty that, in effect, she has contributed the most to bringing up the boys, both labor and money, while I saw them a couple of times a year at most,” says OP.
Most of the money is under OP’s name only, except for the house and the joint bank account for household expenses. “I’ve arranged for my share to go evenly to four parties, and my wife’s share to go to the mutual kids only,” says OP.
“I will not receive anything if she passes first and vice versa,” he adds.
WHAT DOES THE WIFE THINK?
OP’s wife thinks he is converting her household labor to cash and giving it to his ex-wife. This makes no sense to OP.
“While I value her contributions to everything, she did benefit from living without a job for so long and continues to do so. I do not mind providing for her. So, it felt unfair to say I was exploiting her. And my ex-wife is not receiving any money from me whatsoever; only my sons are,” says OP.
OP’s wife thinks he shouldn’t leave anything to the boys because they already received emotional heirlooms from OP’s mother, who sadly passed on before our kids were born. They have little monetary value because they shouldn’t be sold anyway.
Asks OP, “So, am I wrong for leaving an equal inheritance to kids from my wife and ex-wife?”
Here’s how people responded.
YOU ARE RIGHT TO TREAT YOUR KIDS EQUALLY
“Not wrong. Your children are all equally yours, different mothers or not, so you’re right to want to treat them equally.”
HE’S LEAVING NOTHING TO HIS WIFE
“The issue is that he’s leaving almost all of his assets to his children and pretty much nothing to his wife. If he dies significantly earlier than she does, she will be screwed without even a house to live in. Then their mutual kids will be stuck trying to figure out how to support their mother when their father left her with nothing, especially as the cost of housing goes up. If he wants to leave some to his children with the ex, they should get 50%, the wife gets 50%, and joint kids inherit from her when she passes.”
NOT A GREAT IDEA
“Yep. This is not a great idea.
OP should think about a life insurance policy equal to what the wife would get in cash had he considered her, and that way, if he goes first, she’s covered. It’s no issue if she goes first.
Leaving a spouse destitute is terrible. My husband and I are utilizing the life insurance policy plan to make sure we are whole financially when one of us passes away.”
THE WIFE SHOULD BUILD HER OWN NEST EGG
“Her kids are at school. I understand how hard it is parenting young kids (I am a SAHP to a 2 & 6mth old), but the last time she tried pt work, they were 6 & 7, implying they are older now; she’s got plenty of time to work, but she opts to stay at home. Trying to deny his other children a future inheritance is greedy and ridiculous when she could be working towards her own nest egg.”
SHE’S GETTING HALF THE HOUSE AND WEALTH
“She is getting half the house and half the wealth. He is taking his half of the money and dividing it up.”
TREAT YOUR KIDS EQUALLY
“You’re doing the right thing. They’re all your children. Treat them all equally.”
SHE WANTS TO SHORTCHANGE YOUR OTHER KIDS
“So, she wants to shortchange your other kids because your ex made good financial decisions?
If she wants her kids to be on equal footing with OP’s other kids, she should do what your ex-wife did and provide for her family financially. If she doesn’t want to work, she should live with the consequences of her decision.”
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Anika Jindal
Anika is a CPA and founder of What Anika Says. She shares simple and actionable frugal living, money management and money-saving tips to live a debt-free financially independent life. She has been featured on popular websites like Bankrate, Forbes, Mint ,and Authority Magazine. Byline: MSN