It can be challenging to get over things that hurt us when we were younger. The act that hurt or offended you might always be with you. But working on forgiveness can lessen that act’s grip on you.
A young woman, still hurting from her sister’s actions ten years ago, asked the forum, “Am I wrong for telling my mom I am not obligated to drive my older sister around?”
Here’s the whole story.
The Original Poster’s (OP) sister (32, F) was OP’s legal guardian from age 16 to 19. OP’s parents weren’t in a position to support OP, so she offered to. OP was beyond grateful for this.
“It’s important to note at this time, my sister made it clear to me that she wasn’t obligated or responsible for driving me anywhere,” says OP.
OP HAD TO FIGURE HOW TO GET AROUND WITHOUT HELP
“This wasn’t ideal as my area was kind of sketchy for transit, and I had to figure out how to get around without help,” says OP.
But OP understood her sister was already doing so much for her. So, OP learned the transit system, and that’s how she managed it.
“It was costly and took lots of time, but I wasn’t going to give my sister a hard time,” says OP.
OP ASKED HER SISTER TO HELP HER GET BACK FROM WORK AT NIGHT
“Time passes, and my area is having a rise in sexual assaults against women. Being a student, I was working nights and evenings. Also, I was less than 5″ and less than 100 lbs. I was a prime target based on police descriptions. Due to safety, I started asking my sister to help me with rides home from work at night (most nights, she was only watching Netflix),” says OP.
But OP’s sister refused to help her and said it was not her responsibility.
OP THEN ASKED HER MOTHER FOR HELP
“I ended up telling my mom and dad as they provided financial support for me for her to take care of me. They got involved and convinced her to do it till the man was caught,” explains OP.
OP’S SISTER IS NOW STRUGGLING WITH PUBLIC TRANSPORT
Ten years later, OP’s sister now lives and shares her car with her fiancé. The car is hers, but she lets her boyfriend use it as he works further away, and she transits.
“Well, my sister has been struggling with the inconvenience, and I know this as she mentioned it to me a while ago,” says OP.
OP’S MOTHER WANTS OP TO HELP HER SISTER WITH RIDES
So, on Father’s Day, OP was with her mom (60, F), and she told her, “You need to be nicer with rides.”
OP’s mom lives far so OP knew she was hinting at her sister. OP responded, ” Well, I don’t need to be nicer with rides as I am an adult and pay for my car, and I am not responsible or obligated to drive anyone around but myself.”
OP’s mother told OP she knows OP is not obligated, but she should make more effort because her sister is “hurt” (for context, my sister now lives 35 minutes away from me).
OP REMINDED HER MOTHER ABOUT HOW HER SISTER TREATED HER 10 YEARS AGO
“I then asked my mom if she remembers when I was a teenager and how my sister NEVER helped me with rides and only did so when there was a predator because I made a big deal,” says OP.
OP’s mom said, “Well, that’s vindictive.”
My jaw hit the floor. OP asked, “If my sister wasn’t obligated as my guardian, how am I obligated ten years later when she is older, engaged, and lives far away from me.”
OP LEFT HER MOTHER’S HOUSE UPSET
OP grabbed her stuff and said goodbye to everyone at the Father’s Day event. When OP’s mom noticed she was leaving, she asked why. OP said as she walked out, “Well yeah, wouldn’t you be upset if your mother called you vindictive after she made an unreasonable request to you?”
OP’s mother chased her out of the house to her car, but OP drove away, so she couldn’t make the situation worse. “I haven’t heard from her since,” says OP.
“So, am I wrong for telling my mother I am not obligated to drive my older sister around,” asks OP.
Here are the top responses.
YOU ARE NOT WRONG
“You are not wrong. Your parents had the money to care for you when you were a child but refused to? They sound like real pieces of work.”
YOUR MOM SHOULD HAVE STAYED OUT OF IT
“It’s not fair to expect a service from you that you weren’t even granted as a teenager. I’d like to know if your sister’s boyfriend has the money to get his own car or his own way to get around. Wouldn’t that solve the problem better than offering rides to your fully adult sister?
Anyways, you are in the right here since you both are adults who can take care of yourselves. Your mom should have stayed out of it.
YOUR SISTER HAS CHOSEN TO HAVE ONLY ONE CAR
“So, your sister is actively choosing to have only one car and is ‘hurt’ that you aren’t going well out of your way to make her chosen inconvenience more convenient for her. You are not wrong at all.”
I’M CHOKING ON THE HYPOCRISY
“I’m choking on the hypocrisy, and I don’t blame you for being upset. Your sister wouldn’t help you when there was a dangerous situation while you lived with her.”
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