It is common for introverts to feel overwhelmed by social interactions and large family events. However, keeping in touch with your family and letting them know your feelings is also important.
One such introvert asked the forum, “Am I wrong for not specifically calling my brother to say I will not attend his wedding?”
Here’s his story.
THE BACKSTORY
The original poster (OP) doesn’t have a strong relationship with his family since he attended university in another city. He is 34 years old and is a major introvert. He works as a railway engineer, mostly at remote sites, building or repairing railroads. “I mostly hang out alone if I am not at my job,” he explains.
OP’S FAMILY IS THE OPPOSITE
OP has a brother (34, M) and three sisters (40F, 44F, 46F). He is the youngest.
“My family is my total opposite. They are extroverted people, and they all still have close relationships and still reside within the same 10 km diameter within each other,” says OP.
OP doesn’t have any communication means other than a satellite phone at some moments, and he doesn’t actively try to maintain a relationship with his family. “I also don’t interact with my coworkers outside work time, so it is not specific to my family,” he explains.
HOW DOES OP PASS HIS TIME?
“I mostly work out at my home gym or read my books from my e-book in my spare time,” says OP. OP saw his family last before COVID. “I maybe talk with my parents once a month to see if someone is dead,” says OP.
OP RECEIVED AN INVITATION
OP got an email from his brother six months ago. The email included a wedding invitation.
“I looked at the invite and didn’t RSVP because I would be at a field project on the other side of the country,” explains OP. He never thought about the invitation again and just made a gift order to be delivered on the wedding day.
WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THE WEDDING?
On the wedding weekend, the OP was at a construction site. When he returned to a civilization site on Monday, he saw 100+ messages from his extended family since they expected OP to attend.
“I called my brother, and he started to yell at me for being absent. I told him I didn’t RSVP, so why did you wait for me to attend? I then disconnected the call because I had to return to work,” explains OP.
OP’S COLLEAGUES ARE ALSO AWARE OF HIS FAMILY SITUATION
“Yesterday, our chief engineer called me and said he saw my name being tagged on FB multiple times,” says OP.
“It turns out my family has made numerous posts about me being an absent member. Did I mess something up?” he asks.
Here’s how people responded.
YOU ARE WRONG
“There’s a big difference between being an introvert and not caring about your family. Based on what you stated, yes, you are wrong.”
REPLYING TO AN INVITATION IS A BASIC COURTESY
“If you do something like this at work, it will be regarded as unprofessional behavior, and you may face serious consequences.
If you have an event invite and cannot attend it, reply and say you won’t be there.
This is a basic courtesy. What your relationship with that person is like is not necessary here.”
OP IS WRONG
“Everything in a nutshell. OP is WRONG for not simply responding to the RVSP.”
IT TAKES ONE MINUTE TO REPLY TO AN INVITATION
“Take 1 minute to tell them you won’t be coming. But that was too much work for OP.
I’m antisocial, and even I would have RSVP right after the invitations went through.”
WHY DID THEY EXPECT HIM TO SHOW UP?
“It’s strange that the family expected him to show up. They hadn’t seen him in 3 years, barely spoke to him, and he didn’t bother to respond to the invite. Nothing about that suggests someone who is planning to show up to the wedding.”
STOP USING BEING AN INTROVERT AS AN EXCUSE
“People have to stop using being an introvert as an excuse. You still should’ve responded that you weren’t going to attend. That said, the family also should have followed up earlier when OP didn’t rsvp if they wanted him there.”
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Anika Jindal
Anika is a CPA and founder of What Anika Says. She shares simple and actionable frugal living, money management and money-saving tips to live a debt-free financially independent life. She has been featured on popular websites like Bankrate, Forbes, Mint ,and Authority Magazine. Byline: MSN