Some moments test the threads of understanding and compassion in family bonds. Sometimes you need to make heart-wrenching choices and choose the best for you. A user asked on a forum, “Am I wrong for not attending my sister’s wedding after she chose the date of my late fiancée’s birthday, knowing how painful it is for me?”
Here is the full story!
BACKSTORY
OP lost his fiancée, Emily, two years ago in a tragic accident. Her birthday has since become a somber day of reflection for him, a day to honor her memory.
His family knows how painful that date is for him, especially his sister, Lucy. She and OP have been close but have some differences.
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?
Recently, Lucy announced her wedding date, and to OP’s shock, it was Emily’s birthday. When he confronted her, she claimed it was the only available date, but something in her tone made him doubt her sincerity.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
OP tried to talk to her and explain how painful it would be for him, but she dismissed his feelings; she said, “I should move on and that her wedding was more important than my ‘lingering grief.” Her words hurt the OP, and their relationship started to fracture.”
WHAT DOES THE FAMILY THINK
“Our parents sided with Lucy, arguing that I was selfish and that family should come first. I felt trapped, angry, and betrayed”, said OP.
WHAT DID OP DECIDE?
After many sleepless nights, he decided not to attend the wedding. Instead, he spent the day at Emily’s graveside, feeling relief and guilt. “I love my sister, but she crossed a line, disregarding my feelings and our shared history,” said OP.
HOW DID FAMILY AND FRIENDS REACT WHEN OP DIDN’T ATTEND THE WEDDING
OP said, “The fallout has been immense. My family is furious, branding me as selfish and immature. Friends are divided, and I’m left questioning my decision.”
“I’m at a loss, feeling like I’ve torn my family apart. I chose my late fiancée’s memory over my sister’s wedding, or did I overreact?” OP asked in a forum; here are some responses he got!
YOU ARE NOT SELFISH, AND YOU’RE JUST TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF
“First, for the death of a long-term romantic partner, two years is a flash in the pan. The idea that you have lingering grief now, especially on the death anniversary, is bull. It will still hurt something awful and be susceptible on that day. You aren’t being selfish. You are taking care of yourself.”
IT IS NOT A LINGERING GRIEF
“It’s not lingering grief at two years. It’s very active grief. Says my Dr and my therapist, and every medical professional I’ve interacted with in my grief journey. People who haven’t lost like that yet will not understand. But eventually, we all come to understand.”
EVERYONE IS NOT GOING TO FEEL THE WAY AS YOU
“Lost my husband to cancer three weeks after our anniversary. It will be nine years this October. The first year was the toughest for me. I do mark all the dates in my unique way.
“Two years ago, a friend married on the same day as my anniversary. When she remembered what the day was. She was like omg, so sorry. I told her it was OK and honored to share the date with her. Of course, not everyone is going to feel this way.”
BIRTHDAY AND ANNIVERSARY ARE HARD DAYS
“I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 11 yrs ago to cancer. His birthday and our anniversary are hard days, worse than the anniversary of his death, because they were special, happy days. For a family to not get that makes me sad.”
OP, YOU DID WHAT YOU NEEDED
“I think his sister wants him to ‘quit being so sad all the time,’ so she picked that specific date to ‘override his grief.’ That way, he doesn’t have to be sad like that would happen that day. OP, you did what you needed to do for your mental health. If your sister can’t understand that, it’s time to go.”
LACK OF EMPATHY TRULY HEARTBREAKING
“It’s not just a family event; it’s his siblings’ wedding, and only two years since he lost his fiancée! I can’t even imagine the absolute grief and despair of having to sit through that and pretend to be happy. Even if they had to have it that day, they should understand why OP would not attend. The lack of empathy is truly breathtaking.”
YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID
“Your feelings are valid. Grief never leaves. Also, I hate that line, “Family comes first.” Why didn’t your sister acknowledge your feelings if a family came first? The family line works two ways.”
HONOURING THE FIRST FAMILY
“Funny isn’t it.. your parents suggest you were selfish and family should come first.
You, however, were honoring the one who would have been your first family.”
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Chhavi
Chhavi Agarwal is a lawyer who quit her job to become a full-time work-from-home blogger. She shares tips and tricks on making money online, side hustles, freelancing, and blogging through her blog, Mrs. Daaku Studio. She has been featured on Forbes, Business Insider, Peru Tribune, Kentucky Today and More. Byline: MSN, AP Wire, Newsbreak