Humans are very territorial when it comes to relationships. When a third person tries to come between you and your significant other and create problems, you will be stressed and anxious.
A young woman refused to let her fiancé’s best friend be his best man for their wedding; her fiancé got mad. The young woman asked the forum, “Am I wrong for saying I didn’t want my fiancé’s best friend to be best man?”
Here’s their story.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
The original poster (OP) and her fiancé Grant (29, M) have been dating for years. While the OP (27F) knew she wanted to marry Grant about a year in but he’s been wishy-washy about the marriage.
Grant’s best friend, Keith (28M), is married to a friend of OP, Hannah.
KEITH HAS ALWAYS HATED OP
“Since we were 20, Keith was a rude, jealous person who hated me. He hated all of Grant’s girlfriends,” says OP.
OP HAS TRIED EXPLAINING THE SITUATION TO GRANT
OP tried telling Grant the reason he had no other friends than Keith was that Keith chased everyone around away. “I once wore something cute for a date. Keith told me I looked like the garbage can they had. Grant insisted Keith didn’t mean to be rude,” explains OP.
KEITH IS RUDE WITH EVERYONE
Grant wanted OP’s friends to hang out with him and Keith, but OP just wanted Grant there. In the end, she relented but later regretted it.
“I regretted it when Keith and Grant met my friends the first time; Keith was so rude he reduced Hannah to tears. It was so over the top that even he had to apologize later and make it up to her,” says OP.
OP DOESN’T WANT KEITH TO BE THE BEST MAN
OP was discussing the wedding with her fiancé when he insisted that Keith had to be his best man. OP flat-out refused.
“I said Keith could be a groomsman, but I did not want that man symbolizing love,” explains OP.
Grant got mad and said he had to return the favor as he was Keith’s best man, and OP was Hannah’s bridesmaid.
“I stood my ground, and Grant threw up his hands and said he would never get married,” says OP.
“Am I wrong for saying I didn’t want my fiancé’s best friend to be best man,” asks OP.
Here’s what people had to say.
WHY DO YOU WANT TO MARRY HIM
“So – he will cancel your wedding and break up with you if Keith, who has nothing nice to say about you, can’t be his best man? And you still want to marry him?”
HE’S CONTENT BEING A BOYFRIEND
“Not getting married isn’t breaking up. Also, didn’t OP say in one of her comments that Grant was wary of marriage to begin with because of his parents? He’s probably perfectly content being bf/gf.”
WHAT DOES THIS SAY ABOUT GRANT?
“If Keith is seriously that bad of a person, you should question what that says about Grant. What kind of man would choose to be best friends with a guy like that?”
BEING A DOORMAT IS NOT THE SAME AS BEING NICE
“Ask him if he’ll accept his kids being treated like that by his “best friend”?
Your fiancé sounds immature. Being a doormat is not the same as being nice.”
BOTH KEITH AND GRANT ARE PROBLEMATIC
“Sweet is not an excuse for moral weakness.
Keith has a history of being offensive, and Grant clearly has one of enabling him.
They are both problematic, and if the latter doesn’t shape up, you and your future kids will suffer.”
KEITH IS ACTING LIKE AN ABUSIVE PARTNER
“If I had a friend who treated me badly, they would no longer be my friend. Keith has chased off almost everyone in Grant’s life, much like an abusive partner would chase away his wife’s friends.
Grant desperately needs counseling if he thinks it’s okay to treat your friends like crap.”
DO YOU WANT THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
“This is THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, OP! I hope you reflect on this, like really, really reflect on this. Grant won’t be the only one without friends. Keith is an abusive person, and isolating their victims is what they do. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that this won’t transfer to your children.”
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