Planning a wedding can be stressful and overwhelming if the person who was supposed to assist you is not available; it can cause a lot of anxiety and drama. A bride had to take drastic steps when she found her maid-of-honor missing during most of the wedding preparations.
She asked the forum, “Am I wrong for changing my maid-of-honor at my wedding rehearsal?”
Here’s what happened.
The original poster (OP) and her bridesmaid have been friends since OP was five.
“I went back and forth on who I would choose as maid-of-honor (MOH), but ended up asking May early in our engagement,” says OP.
MAY DIDN’T WANT TO BE INVOLVED IN THE WEDDING PLANNING
May started talking to OP a lot less once the wedding planning began.
“I thought she would help me with some of the planning, but she didn’t want to hear about it and would often change the subject. I just figured she wanted her space since she has been single for a long time, and most of her friends were getting married,” says OP.
OP HAD TO BEG MAY TO COME
OP had to beg May to come dress shopping with OP, and she didn’t say anything then.
For the Bridesmaid dress try-on, she showed up extremely late, hung over, and just had a bad attitude the entire time. “The entire appointment turned into comforting her by both my sister and I,” says OP.
SHE DIDN’T SHOW UP FOR THE BRIDAL SHOWER
OP’s first Bridal shower comes around, and May texts OP a week before saying she can’t go. This was really heartbreaking and somewhat embarrassing for OP.
“I only have two bridesmaids, so it was very noticeable. I texted May about how much I wanted her there and how hurt I was. She confirmed she would make it work,” informs OP.
OP’S SISTER PLANNED THE SECOND SHOWER
The week before the second shower, OP got a text saying sorry, I can’t come. “My sister ended up planning the whole thing by herself, which they were originally supposed to do together,” says OP.
OP’S SISTER PLANNED THE BACHELOR PARTY
Then, the bachelor party also fell on OP’s sister. May helped a little, but it was mainly OP’s sister.
“I had to beg May to help. But she showed up, right? That’s all I asked of her,” says OP.
OP DECIDED TO CONFRONT MAY
At this point, OP felt like May wasn’t doing what we had agreed on for MOH duties and felt her sister deserved it more. “My sister never failed to show up and continued to go above and beyond for me every step of the way,” explains OP.
OP decided to confront her friend as something seemed off.
“I asked if she even wanted to be in the wedding, to which she said yes. I decided to give it some thought before I broke the news that I don’t think she should be my MOH, and that conversation didn’t feel like the right time,” says OP.
OP COULDN’T TALK TO MAY IN PERSON
“Leading up to the wedding, I kept trying to get together with her so we could talk in person, but she kept making excuses and would cancel last minute,” says OP.
MAY SHOWED UP TO THE REHEARSAL DINNER
Suddenly, it was the day before the wedding, and OP wasn’t 100% sure if May would show up.
“But she did, and I had asked her to help me get ready before the rehearsal in the hotel, but she said she was running late and couldn’t,” says OP.
OP TOLD HER SHE WASN’T MOH AT THE REHEARSAL DINNER
At the rehearsal Dinner, everyone started lining up, and May went right next to OP as was initially planned.
“I had to say no, it’s my sister and best man, then May and our groomsman. She looked at me hurt but didn’t say anything, and we proceeded to the dinner,” says OP.
OP IS SORRY SHE WASN’T ABLE TO TELL EARLIER
May was very quiet throughout the dinner, but the wedding went off with no drama.
“I feel terrible. I couldn’t tell her in person before, but I never had the opportunity to speak with her and didn’t want to have that conversation over text,” explains OP.
“So, am I wrong?” asks OP.
Here’s what the people on the forum said.
A TEXT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER
“Everybody’s wrong here.
Did she deserve to be replaced? Absolutely.
Did she deserve to be told that before she tried to sit down in front of your entire wedding party at the rehearsal dinner? Absolutely not. A text is not ideal, but it’s so much better than that.”
SHE TURNED YOUR CELEBRATION INTO HER PITY PARTY
“I feel like the closer to the big day, the more worried you were that by demoting her, she may not show up to the wedding at all. By switching her at the last minute, it was too late for her to do that.
That said, I hate it when people who are supposed to be good friends turn your life celebration into their pity party.”
YOU PUT HER IN A SPOT
“When she performed no MOH duties or supported you in the way one would expect, she removed herself from that position, didn’t she? However, springing that on her at the rehearsal dinner was a bit much. A conversation over text would have been better than putting her in the spot that you did.”
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