Our upbringing, education, and life experiences shape our spending habits. This can lead to conflicts in relationships when partners have different financial priorities. Understanding the factors that influence our spending habits can help us make better financial decisions in our personal lives. A user in a similar situation asked on the forum, “Am I wrong for calling off my wedding if my fiancé is extremely frugal?”
Here’s her story.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
The original poster (OP) is 31 years old, and she met her fiancé (32) three years ago. He had come out of an abusive marriage two years before they met. His ex-wife had bled him dry by making him pay for expensive jewelry, designer shoes, clothes, cars, big houses, and Caribbean trips. She also took him to the cleaners in the divorce.
The OP’s fiancé is very well off. He makes far over six figures, almost 7. On top of that, he inherited a few million from his grandfather, and his parents gifted him and his siblings a few cool million.
“So yes, the financial abuse was bad, but he does not suffer financially. He has more money than he will ever need,” says the OP.
OP MOVED INTO HER FIANCE’S HOUSE
The OP moved into her fiancé’s house one year ago. While they live together, they have been sharing the expenses. “I do not pay rent, but I split the bills and buy food,” she says.
The OP has a good job and can pay for herself. “I pay for my own clothes and jewelry. However, things have been taking a turn for the worse, and I feel miserable, ” says she.
“His house was empty when I moved in. He had hand-me-down furniture. Maybe three forks and two knives. He wouldn’t put on the heating, so the house felt cold and moldy. He has no curtains, no decorations. His ex took everything not bolted down, and he was too cheap to replace it. Just imagine a million-dollar house like that,” she explains.
SHE TRIED TO FURNISH THE HOUSE
The OP is grateful that she can live in his house as it is something she could never afford. So she did her best to furnish the house. “I didn’t want to live in squalor! So I bought some kitchen supplies, some furniture,” says the OP.
BUT IT WAS TOO MUCH
At some point, she realized she was dipping into her savings all the time, and he did nothing. “I looked into curtains, but those things are expensive. His house has so many windows; it is crazy. I didn’t want to pay for this anymore,” she explains.
So she told him that she needed a fund to furnish his house. The fiancé became very angry and suspicious at this.
WHAT DID THE FIANCE SAY?
“He blew up at me that I was just with him for his money,” says the OP.
WHAT DID THE OP SAY?
“I pointed out all the money I spend on his house. The gifts and the trips because he pays for nothing ever. He wants to be sure I am not here for the money. The fact is, if we break up, I have nothing. The house is not mine. If I spend all my savings on his house, I will be left with absolutely nothing,” she explains!
The fiancé wants a prenup. While the OP is fine with that, she can’t help but feel used.
THE OP IS JEALOUS
Says the OP, “I am jealous of his ex-wife. I feel like she got treated, and I am neglected. He proposed to his ex on a cruise with a 10,000-dollar white gold diamond ring. I got the rhodium-plated Swarovski stuff that might cost like 100 bucks. The proposal was at a picnic in the park I organized, paid groceries for, and slaved in the kitchen for. I almost said no out of pure disappointment. However, I am afraid to bring it up and to be called a gold digger.”
SHE IS UPSET
“I don’t want to be funding a millionaire’s lifestyle. He loves everything as long as I pay for it. As soon as he has to pay, it is frivolous or unnecessary. I can live like a poor person by myself. At least the fact literal millions are lying around doesn’t hang over me to bum me out. I would just be paying for my own lifestyle,” she explains.
“I love this man, but I imagine our cheap wedding in contrast to his ex and her extravaganza,” she says.
She worries that she and her kids will have to lead a frugal lifestyle. “Will our future kids be able to have some luxuries or only if I pay for them? What if I ever become a stay-at-home mom? Will I have to beg to put the heating on,” she wonders.
She asks, “Am I wrong for calling off a wedding purely for financial reasons?”
Here are some of the responses she got.
PUT THE WEDDING ON HOLD
“I would absolutely put the wedding on hold until you two are on the same page.”
GET COUPLES COUNSELING
“Definitely put the wedding on hold, OP, and try to get into couples counseling. You are not his ex, and he needs to stop projecting her motivations onto you.”
THIS IS MADNESS
“I can’t believe poor OP even made it beyond the proposal that she had to plan, pay for, and do all manual labor alone. His ex got a yacht proposal. This is madness!”
DON’T STICK AROUND IF YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY OUT
“I would never tell anyone they should stick around if they are already emotionally out of the relationship, but if he would consider financial counseling and you are still emotionally in, you could postpone the wedding and give it a try. I’m too frugal myself – I enjoy a minimalist lifestyle, and financial security is one of my biggest needs in life coming out of some very insecure times. Still, financial counseling helped me see that my relationship with money now that I have enough is just as toxic as when I was barely getting by. Counseling helped me with setting a budget that was logical and future-minded while still recognizing that life should be comfortable and enjoyable now. So, I’m at the stage where I recognize I’m too frugal, but I also see progress in planning and enjoying a vacation or meal out without regret.”
MORE FROM WHATANIKASAYS
Is an adult child entitled to her parent’s savings? Do the parents have a right to reallocate their savings for another purpose? A 58-year-old father if he is wrong for not giving my daughter the money that was reserved for my grandkids?
PARENTS STOLE FROM DAUGHTER’S “COLLEGE FUND” TO PAY FOR SON’S WEDDING AND NOW THE DAUGHTER IS SUING THEM. IS SHE WRONG?
Women face discrimination in terms of education in many countries around the world. So, it would mean the world to such a woman if she got the opportunity to go to college without student debt. But what if the people you trust take this opportunity away from you? Find out what happened!
TO-BE BRIDE TELLS HER FUTURE MIL THAT SHE HAS NO SAY IN HER WEDDING DRESS CHOICE. MIL THINKS SHE IS KIDDING BUT WE THINK THE BRIDE IS CORRECT
Wedding dress shopping can be a fun affair. It can be a day you spend with the people you are closest to while celebrating this momentous occasion. Unfortunately, it can also turn into a problem if the people with you do not have your best interest in mind. Here’s what happened.
HUSBAND KEEPS CORRECTING WIFE’S GRAMMAR. SAYS, “SHE IS A 4TH GRADE TEACHER AND IT’S HER JOB TO KNOW BETTER” – IS THIS SUFFOCATING BEHAVIOR OR IS HE RIGHT?
Are you a grammar nerd? If you often find yourself mentally correcting the spellings on a menu or fighting the urge to teach your friend the difference between ‘their’ & ‘there,’ you may belong to this group of grammar nerds. But should you correct people’s grammar if they haven’t asked for help? . Read more here!
BROTHER DECIDES TO DRIVE AND PAY FOR HIS OWN HOTEL ON VACATION JUST TO AVOID BABYSITTING SISTER’S CHILDREN. IS THIS RIGHT?
Vacations are a time to relax and have fun. So what do you do if your family expects you to help with babysitting while on a family vacation? Is the brother wrong for saying I’ll be driving myself and paying for my own room on the upcoming family vacation so I won’t have to be a babysitter?
Anika Jindal
Anika is a CPA and founder of What Anika Says. She shares simple and actionable frugal living, money management and money-saving tips to live a debt-free financially independent life. She has been featured on popular websites like Bankrate, Forbes, Mint ,and Authority Magazine. Byline: MSN